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SOMEWHAT after one in the afternoon, Tom resignedly underwent
the ordeal of being dressed for dinner. He found himself as finely
clothed as before, but everything different, everything changed,
from his ruff to his stockings. He was presently conducted with much
state to a spacious and ornate apartment, where a table was already
set for one. Its furniture was all of massy gold, and beautified
with designs which well-nigh made it priceless, since they were the
work of Benvenuto. The room was half filled with noble servitors. A
chaplain said grace, and Tom was about to fall to, for hunger had long
been constitutional with him, but was interrupted by my lord the
Earl of Berkeley, who fastened a napkin about his neck; for the
great post of Diaperers to the Prince of Wales was hereditary in
this nobleman's family. Tom's cupbearer was present, and forestalled
all his attempts to help himself to wine. The Taster to his Highness
the Prince of Wales was there also, prepared to taste any suspicious
dish upon requirement, and run the risk of being poisoned. He was only
an ornamental appendage at this time, and was seldom called to
exercise his function; but there had been times, not many
generations past, when the office of taster had its perils, and was
not a grandeur to be desired. Why they did not use a dog or a
plumber seems strange; but all the ways of royalty are strange. My
Lord d'Arcy, First Groom of the Chamber, was there, to do goodness
knows what; but there he was- let that suffice. The Lord Chief
Butler was there, and stood behind Tom's chair overseeing the
solemnities, under command of the Lord Great Steward and the Lord Head
Cook, who stood near. Tom had three hundred and eighty-four servants
besides these; but they were not all in that room, of course, nor
the quarter of them; neither was Tom aware yet that they existed.
All those that were present had been well drilled within the
hour to remember that the prince was temporarily out of his head,
and to be careful to show no surprise at his vagaries. These
'vagaries' were soon on exhibition before them; but they only moved
their compassion and their sorrow, not their mirth. It was a heavy
affliction to them to see the beloved prince so stricken.
Poor Tom ate with his fingers mainly; but no one smiled at it,
or even seemed to observe it. He inspected his napkin curiously and
with deep interest, for it was of a very dainty and beautiful
fabric, then said with simplicity:
'Prithee, take it away, lest in mine unheedfulness it be soiled.'
The Hereditary Diaperer took it away with reverent manner, and
without word or protest of any sort.
Tom examined the turnips and the lettuce with interest, and
asked what they were, and if they were to be eaten; for it was only
recently that men had begun to raise these things in England in
place of importing them as luxuries from Holland.*(4) His question was
answered with grave respect, and no surprise manifested. When he had
finished his dessert, he filled his pockets with nuts; but nobody
appeared to be aware of it, or disturbed by it. But the next moment he
was himself disturbed by it, and showed discomposure; for this was the
only service he had been permitted to do with his own hands during the
meal, and he did not doubt that he had done a most improper and
unprincely thing. At that moment the muscles of his nose began to
twitch, and the end of that organ to lift and wrinkle. This continued,
and Tom began to evince a growing distress. He looked appealingly,
first at one and then another of the lords about him, and tears came
into his eyes. They sprang forward with dismay in their faces, and
begged to know his trouble. Tom said with genuine anguish:
'I crave your indulgence; my nose itcheth cruelly. What is the
custom and usage in this emergence? Prithee speed, for 'tis but a
little time that I can bear it.'
None smiled; but all were sore perplexed, and looked one to the
other in deep tribulation for counsel. But, behold, here was a dead
wall, and nothing in English history to tell how to get over it. The
Master of Ceremonies was not present; there was no one who felt safe
to venture upon this uncharted sea, or risk the attempt to solve
this solemn problem. Alas! there was no Hereditary Scratcher. Meantime
the tears had overflowed their banks, and begun to trickle down
Tom's cheeks. His twitching nose was pleading more urgently than
ever for relief. At last nature broke down the barriers of
etiquette; Tom lifted up an inward prayer for pardon if he was doing
wrong, and brought relief to the burdened hearts of his court by
scratching his nose himself.
His meal being ended, a lord came and held before him a broad,
shallow, golden dish with fragrant rose-water in it, to cleanse his
mouth and fingers with; and my lord the Hereditary Diaperer stood by
with a napkin for his use. Tom gazed at the dish a puzzled moment or
two, then raised it to his lips, and gravely took a draught. Then he
returned it to the waiting lord, and said:
'Nay, it likes me not, my lord; it hath a pretty flavor, but it
wanteth strength.'
This new eccentricity of the prince's ruined mind made all the
hearts about him ache; but the sad sight moved none to merriment.
Tom's next unconscious blunder was to get up and leave the table
just when the chaplain had taken his stand behind his chair and with
uplifted hands and closed uplifted eyes, was in the act of beginning
the blessing. Still nobody seemed to perceive that the prince had done
a thing unusual.
By his own request, our small friend was now conducted to his
private cabinet, and left there alone to his own devices. Hanging upon
hooks in the oaken wainscoting were the several pieces of a suit of
shining steel armor, covered all over with beautiful designs
exquisitely inlaid in gold. This martial panoply belonged to the
true prince- a recent present from Madam Parr, the queen. Tom put on
the greaves, the gauntlets, the plumed helmet, and such other pieces
as he could don without assistance, and for a while was minded to call
for help and complete the matter, but bethought him of the nuts he had
brought away from dinner, and the joy it would be to eat them with
no crowd to eye him, and no Grand Hereditaries to pester him with
undesired services; so he restored the pretty things to their
several places, and soon was cracking nuts, and feeling almost
naturally happy for the first time since God for his sins had made him
a prince. When the nuts were all gone, he stumbled upon some
inviting books in a closet, among them one about the etiquette of
the English court. This was a prize. He lay down upon a sumptuous
divan, and proceeded to instruct himself with honest zeal. Let us
leave him there for the present.
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