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Charles Dickens
Chapter 34
Charles Dickens
 
 
1       I wrote to Agnes as soon as Dora and I were engaged. I wrote her
2  a long letter, in which I tried to make her comprehend how blest I
3  was, and what a darling Dora was. I entreated Agnes not to regard
4  this as a thoughtless passion which could ever yield to any other,
5  or had the least resemblance to the boyish fancies that we used to
6  joke about. I assured her that its profundity was quite
7  unfathomable, and expressed my belief that nothing like it had ever
8  been known.

9       Somehow, as I wrote to Agnes on a fine evening by my open window,
10  and the remembrance of her clear calm eyes and gentle face came
11  stealing over me, it shed such a peaceful influence upon the hurry
12  and agitation in which I had been living lately, and of which my
13  very happiness partook in some degree, that it soothed me into
14  tears. I remember that I sat resting my head upon my hand, when
15  the letter was half done, cherishing a general fancy as if Agnes
16  were one of the elements of my natural home. As if, in the
17  retirement of the house made almost sacred to me by her presence,
18  Dora and I must be happier than anywhere. As if, in love, joy,
19  sorrow, hope, or disappointment; in all emotions; my heart turned
20  naturally there, and found its refuge and best friend.

21       Of Steerforth I said nothing. I only told her there had been sad
22  grief at Yarmouth, on account of Emily's flight; and that on me it
23  made a double wound, by reason of the circumstances attending it.
24  I knew how quick she always was to divine the truth, and that she
25  would never be the first to breathe his name.

26       To this letter, I received an answer by return of post. As I read
27  it, I seemed to hear Agnes speaking to me. It was like her cordial
28  voice in my ears. What can I say more!

29       While I had been away from home lately, Traddles had called twice
30  or thrice. Finding Peggotty within, and being informed by Peggotty
31  (who always volunteered that information to whomsoever would
32  receive it), that she was my old nurse, he had established a
33  good-humoured acquaintance with her, and had stayed to have a
34  little chat with her about me. So Peggotty said; but I am afraid
35  the chat was all on her own side, and of immoderate length, as she
36  was very difficult indeed to stop, God bless her! when she had me
37  for her theme.

38       This reminds me, not only that I expected Traddles on a certain
39  afternoon of his own appointing, which was now come, but that Mrs.
40  Crupp had resigned everything appertaining to her office (the
41  salary excepted) until Peggotty should cease to present herself.
42  Mrs. Crupp, after holding divers conversations respecting Peggotty,
43  in a very high-pitched voice, on the staircase - with some
44  invisible Familiar it would appear, for corporeally speaking she
45  was quite alone at those times - addressed a letter to me,
46  developing her views. Beginning it with that statement of
47  universal application, which fitted every occurrence of her life,
48  namely, that she was a mother herself, she went on to inform me
49  that she had once seen very different days, but that at all periods
50  of her existence she had had a constitutional objection to spies,
51  intruders, and informers. She named no names, she said; let them
52  the cap fitted, wear it; but spies, intruders, and informers,
53  especially in widders' weeds (this clause was underlined), she had
54  ever accustomed herself to look down upon. If a gentleman was the
55  victim of spies, intruders, and informers (but still naming no
56  names), that was his own pleasure. He had a right to please
57  himself; so let him do. All that she, Mrs. Crupp, stipulated for,
58  was, that she should not be 'brought in contract' with such
59  persons. Therefore she begged to be excused from any further
60  attendance on the top set, until things were as they formerly was,
61  and as they could be wished to be; and further mentioned that her
62  little book would be found upon the breakfast-table every Saturday
63  morning, when she requested an immediate settlement of the same,
64  with the benevolent view of saving trouble 'and an ill-conwenience'
65  to all parties.

66       After this, Mrs. Crupp confined herself to making pitfalls on the
67  stairs, principally with pitchers, and endeavouring to delude
68  Peggotty into breaking her legs. I found it rather harassing to
69  live in this state of siege, but was too much afraid of Mrs. Crupp
70  to see any way out of it.

71       'My dear Copperfield,' cried Traddles, punctually appearing at my
72  door, in spite of all these obstacles, 'how do you do?'

73       'My dear Traddles,' said I, 'I am delighted to see you at last, and
74  very sorry I have not been at home before. But I have been so much
75  engaged -'

76       'Yes, yes, I know,' said Traddles, 'of course. Yours lives in
77  London, I think.'

78       'What did you say?'

79       'She - excuse me - Miss D., you know,' said Traddles, colouring in
80  his great delicacy, 'lives in London, I believe?'

81       'Oh yes. Near London.'

82       'Mine, perhaps you recollect,' said Traddles, with a serious look,
83  'lives down in Devonshire - one of ten. Consequently, I am not so
84  much engaged as you - in that sense.'

85       'I wonder you can bear,' I returned, 'to see her so seldom.'

86       'Hah!' said Traddles, thoughtfully. 'It does seem a wonder. I
87  suppose it is, Copperfield, because there is no help for it?'

88       'I suppose so,' I replied with a smile, and not without a blush.
89  'And because you have so much constancy and patience, Traddles.'

90       'Dear me!' said Traddles, considering about it, 'do I strike you in
91  that way, Copperfield? Really I didn't know that I had. But she
92  is such an extraordinarily dear girl herself, that it's possible
93  she may have imparted something of those virtues to me. Now you
94  mention it, Copperfield, I shouldn't wonder at all. I assure you
95  she is always forgetting herself, and taking care of the other
96  nine.'

97       'Is she the eldest?' I inquired.

98       'Oh dear, no,' said Traddles. 'The eldest is a Beauty.'

99       He saw, I suppose, that I could not help smiling at the simplicity
100  of this reply; and added, with a smile upon his own ingenuous face:

101       'Not, of course, but that my Sophy - pretty name, Copperfield, I
102  always think?'

103       'Very pretty!' said I.

104       'Not, of course, but that Sophy is beautiful too in my eyes, and
105  would be one of the dearest girls that ever was, in anybody's eyes
106  (I should think). But when I say the eldest is a Beauty, I mean
107  she really is a -' he seemed to be describing clouds about himself,
108  with both hands: 'Splendid, you know,' said Traddles,
109  energetically.
110  'Indeed!' said I.

111       'Oh, I assure you,' said Traddles, 'something very uncommon,
112  indeed! Then, you know, being formed for society and admiration,
113  and not being able to enjoy much of it in consequence of their
114  limited means, she naturally gets a little irritable and exacting,
115  sometimes. Sophy puts her in good humour!'

116       'Is Sophy the youngest?' I hazarded.

117       'Oh dear, no!' said Traddles, stroking his chin. 'The two youngest
118  are only nine and ten. Sophy educates 'em.'

119       'The second daughter, perhaps?' I hazarded.

120       'No,' said Traddles. 'Sarah's the second. Sarah has something the
121  matter with her spine, poor girl. The malady will wear out by and
122  by, the doctors say, but in the meantime she has to lie down for a
123  twelvemonth. Sophy nurses her. Sophy's the fourth.'

124       'Is the mother living?' I inquired.

125       'Oh yes,' said Traddles, 'she is alive. She is a very superior
126  woman indeed, but the damp country is not adapted to her
127  constitution, and - in fact, she has lost the use of her limbs.'

128       'Dear me!' said I.

129       'Very sad, is it not?' returned Traddles. 'But in a merely
130  domestic view it is not so bad as it might be, because Sophy takes
131  her place. She is quite as much a mother to her mother, as she is
132  to the other nine.'

133       I felt the greatest admiration for the virtues of this young lady;
134  and, honestly with the view of doing my best to prevent the
135  good-nature of Traddles from being imposed upon, to the detriment
136  of their joint prospects in life, inquired how Mr. Micawber was?

137       'He is quite well, Copperfield, thank you,' said Traddles. 'I am
138  not living with him at present.'

139       'No?'

140       'No. You see the truth is,' said Traddles, in a whisper, 'he had
141  changed his name to Mortimer, in consequence of his temporary
142  embarrassments; and he don't come out till after dark - and then in
143  spectacles. There was an execution put into our house, for rent.
144  Mrs. Micawber was in such a dreadful state that I really couldn't
145  resist giving my name to that second bill we spoke of here. You
146  may imagine how delightful it was to my feelings, Copperfield, to
147  see the matter settled with it, and Mrs. Micawber recover her
148  spirits.'

149       'Hum!' said I.
150  'Not that her happiness was of long duration,' pursued Traddles,
151  'for, unfortunately, within a week another execution came in. It
152  broke up the establishment. I have been living in a furnished
153  apartment since then, and the Mortimers have been very private
154  indeed. I hope you won't think it selfish, Copperfield, if I
155  mention that the broker carried off my little round table with the
156  marble top, and Sophy's flower-pot and stand?'

157       'What a hard thing!' I exclaimed indignantly.

158       'It was a - it was a pull,' said Traddles, with his usual wince at
159  that expression. 'I don't mention it reproachfully, however, but
160  with a motive. The fact is, Copperfield, I was unable to
161  repurchase them at the time of their seizure; in the first place,
162  because the broker, having an idea that I wanted them, ran the
163  price up to an extravagant extent; and, in the second place,
164  because I - hadn't any money. Now, I have kept my eye since, upon
165  the broker's shop,' said Traddles, with a great enjoyment of his
166  mystery, 'which is up at the top of Tottenham Court Road, and, at
167  last, today I find them put out for sale. I have only noticed them
168  from over the way, because if the broker saw me, bless you, he'd
169  ask any price for them! What has occurred to me, having now the
170  money, is, that perhaps you wouldn't object to ask that good nurse
171  of yours to come with me to the shop - I can show it her from round
172  the corner of the next street - and make the best bargain for them,
173  as if they were for herself, that she can!'

174       The delight with which Traddles propounded this plan to me, and the
175  sense he had of its uncommon artfulness, are among the freshest
176  things in my remembrance.

177       I told him that my old nurse would be delighted to assist him, and
178  that we would all three take the field together, but on one
179  condition. That condition was, that he should make a solemn
180  resolution to grant no more loans of his name, or anything else, to
181  Mr. Micawber.

182       'My dear Copperfield,' said Traddles, 'I have already done so,
183  because I begin to feel that I have not only been inconsiderate,
184  but that I have been positively unjust to Sophy. My word being
185  passed to myself, there is no longer any apprehension; but I pledge
186  it to you, too, with the greatest readiness. That first unlucky
187  obligation, I have paid. I have no doubt Mr. Micawber would have
188  paid it if he could, but he could not. One thing I ought to
189  mention, which I like very much in Mr. Micawber, Copperfield. It
190  refers to the second obligation, which is not yet due. He don't
191  tell me that it is provided for, but he says it WILL BE. Now, I
192  think there is something very fair and honest about that!'

193       I was unwilling to damp my good friend's confidence, and therefore
194  assented. After a little further conversation, we went round to
195  the chandler's shop, to enlist Peggotty; Traddles declining to pass
196  the evening with me, both because he endured the liveliest
197  apprehensions that his property would be bought by somebody else
198  before he could re-purchase it, and because it was the evening he
199  always devoted to writing to the dearest girl in the world.

200       I never shall forget him peeping round the corner of the street in
201  Tottenham Court Road, while Peggotty was bargaining for the
202  precious articles; or his agitation when she came slowly towards us
203  after vainly offering a price, and was hailed by the relenting
204  broker, and went back again. The end of the negotiation was, that
205  she bought the property on tolerably easy terms, and Traddles was
206  transported with pleasure.

207       'I am very much obliged to you, indeed,' said Traddles, on hearing
208  it was to be sent to where he lived, that night. 'If I might ask
209  one other favour, I hope you would not think it absurd,
210  Copperfield?'

211       I said beforehand, certainly not.

212       'Then if you WOULD be good enough,' said Traddles to Peggotty, 'to
213  get the flower-pot now, I think I should like (it being Sophy's,
214  Copperfield) to carry it home myself!'

215       Peggotty was glad to get it for him, and he overwhelmed her with
216  thanks, and went his way up Tottenham Court Road, carrying the
217  flower-pot affectionately in his arms, with one of the most
218  delighted expressions of countenance I ever saw.

219       We then turned back towards my chambers. As the shops had charms
220  for Peggotty which I never knew them possess in the same degree for
221  anybody else, I sauntered easily along, amused by her staring in at
222  the windows, and waiting for her as often as she chose. We were
223  thus a good while in getting to the Adelphi.

224       On our way upstairs, I called her attention to the sudden
225  disappearance of Mrs. Crupp's pitfalls, and also to the prints of
226  recent footsteps. We were both very much surprised, coming higher
227  up, to find my outer door standing open (which I had shut) and to
228  hear voices inside.

229       We looked at one another, without knowing what to make of this, and
230  went into the sitting-room. What was my amazement to find, of all
231  people upon earth, my aunt there, and Mr. Dick! My aunt sitting on
232  a quantity of luggage, with her two birds before her, and her cat
233  on her knee, like a female Robinson Crusoe, drinking tea. Mr. Dick
234  leaning thoughtfully on a great kite, such as we had often been out
235  together to fly, with more luggage piled about him!

236       'My dear aunt!' cried I. 'Why, what an unexpected pleasure!'

237       We cordially embraced; and Mr. Dick and I cordially shook hands;
238  and Mrs. Crupp, who was busy making tea, and could not be too
239  attentive, cordially said she had knowed well as Mr. Copperfull
240  would have his heart in his mouth, when he see his dear relations.

241       'Holloa!' said my aunt to Peggotty, who quailed before her awful
242  presence. 'How are YOU?'

243       'You remember my aunt, Peggotty?' said I.

244       'For the love of goodness, child,' exclaimed my aunt, 'don't call
245  the woman by that South Sea Island name! If she married and got
246  rid of it, which was the best thing she could do, why don't you
247  give her the benefit of the change? What's your name now, - P?'
248  said my aunt, as a compromise for the obnoxious appellation.

249       'Barkis, ma'am,' said Peggotty, with a curtsey.

250       'Well! That's human,' said my aunt. 'It sounds less as if you
251  wanted a missionary. How d'ye do, Barkis? I hope you're well?'

252       Encouraged by these gracious words, and by my aunt's extending her
253  hand, Barkis came forward, and took the hand, and curtseyed her
254  acknowledgements.

255       'We are older than we were, I see,' said my aunt. 'We have only
256  met each other once before, you know. A nice business we made of
257  it then! Trot, my dear, another cup.'

258       I handed it dutifully to my aunt, who was in her usual inflexible
259  state of figure; and ventured a remonstrance with her on the
260  subject of her sitting on a box.

261       'Let me draw the sofa here, or the easy-chair, aunt,' said I. 'Why
262  should you be so uncomfortable?'

263       'Thank you, Trot,' replied my aunt, 'I prefer to sit upon my
264  property.' Here my aunt looked hard at Mrs. Crupp, and observed,
265  'We needn't trouble you to wait, ma'am.'

266       'Shall I put a little more tea in the pot afore I go, ma'am?' said
267  Mrs. Crupp.

268       'No, I thank you, ma'am,' replied my aunt.

269       'Would you let me fetch another pat of butter, ma'am?' said Mrs.
270  Crupp. 'Or would you be persuaded to try a new-laid hegg? or
271  should I brile a rasher? Ain't there nothing I could do for your
272  dear aunt, Mr. Copperfull?'

273       'Nothing, ma'am,' returned my aunt. 'I shall do very well, I thank
274  you.'

275       Mrs. Crupp, who had been incessantly smiling to express sweet
276  temper, and incessantly holding her head on one side, to express a
277  general feebleness of constitution, and incessantly rubbing her
278  hands, to express a desire to be of service to all deserving
279  objects, gradually smiled herself, one-sided herself, and rubbed
280  herself, out of the room.
281  'Dick!' said my aunt. 'You know what I told you about time-servers
282  and wealth-worshippers?'

283       Mr. Dick - with rather a scared look, as if he had forgotten it -
284  returned a hasty answer in the affirmative.

285       'Mrs. Crupp is one of them,' said my aunt. 'Barkis, I'll trouble
286  you to look after the tea, and let me have another cup, for I don't
287  fancy that woman's pouring-out!'

288       I knew my aunt sufficiently well to know that she had something of
289  importance on her mind, and that there was far more matter in this
290  arrival than a stranger might have supposed. I noticed how her eye
291  lighted on me, when she thought my attention otherwise occupied;
292  and what a curious process of hesitation appeared to be going on
293  within her, while she preserved her outward stiffness and
294  composure. I began to reflect whether I had done anything to
295  offend her; and my conscience whispered me that I had not yet told
296  her about Dora. Could it by any means be that, I wondered!

297       As I knew she would only speak in her own good time, I sat down
298  near her, and spoke to the birds, and played with the cat, and was
299  as easy as I could be. But I was very far from being really easy;
300  and I should still have been so, even if Mr. Dick, leaning over the
301  great kite behind my aunt, had not taken every secret opportunity
302  of shaking his head darkly at me, and pointing at her.

303       'Trot,' said my aunt at last, when she had finished her tea, and
304  carefully smoothed down her dress, and wiped her lips - 'you
305  needn't go, Barkis! - Trot, have you got to be firm and
306  self-reliant?'

307       'I hope so, aunt.'

308       'What do you think?' inquired Miss Betsey.

309       'I think so, aunt.'

310       'Then why, my love,' said my aunt, looking earnestly at me, 'why do
311  you think I prefer to sit upon this property of mine tonight?'

312       I shook my head, unable to guess.

313       'Because,' said my aunt, 'it's all I have. Because I'm ruined, my
314  dear!'

315       If the house, and every one of us, had tumbled out into the river
316  together, I could hardly have received a greater shock.

317       'Dick knows it,' said my aunt, laying her hand calmly on my
318  shoulder. 'I am ruined, my dear Trot! All I have in the world is
319  in this room, except the cottage; and that I have left Janet to
320  let. Barkis, I want to get a bed for this gentleman tonight. To
321  save expense, perhaps you can make up something here for myself.
322  Anything will do. It's only for tonight. We'll talk about this,
323  more, tomorrow.'

324       I was roused from my amazement, and concern for her - I am sure,
325  for her - by her falling on my neck, for a moment, and crying that
326  she only grieved for me. In another moment she suppressed this
327  emotion; and said with an aspect more triumphant than dejected:

328       'We must meet reverses boldly, and not suffer them to frighten us,
329  my dear. We must learn to act the play out. We must live
330  misfortune down, Trot!'

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