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| 1 | I mentioned to Mr. Spenlow in the morning, that I wanted leave of
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| 2 | absence for a short time; and as I was not in the receipt of any
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| 3 | salary, and consequently was not obnoxious to the implacable
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| 4 | Jorkins, there was no difficulty about it. I took that
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| 5 | opportunity, with my voice sticking in my throat, and my sight
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| 6 | failing as I uttered the words, to express my hope that Miss
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| 7 | Spenlow was quite well; to which Mr. Spenlow replied, with no more
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| 8 | emotion than if he had been speaking of an ordinary human being,
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| 9 | that he was much obliged to me, and she was very well.
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| 10 | We articled clerks, as germs of the patrician order of proctors,
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| 11 | were treated with so much consideration, that I was almost my own
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| 12 | master at all times. As I did not care, however, to get to
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| 13 | Highgate before one or two o'clock in the day, and as we had
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| 14 | another little excommunication case in court that morning, which
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| 15 | was called The office of the judge promoted by Tipkins against
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| 16 | Bullock for his soul's correction, I passed an hour or two in
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| 17 | attendance on it with Mr. Spenlow very agreeably. It arose out of
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| 18 | a scuffle between two churchwardens, one of whom was alleged to
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| 19 | have pushed the other against a pump; the handle of which pump
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| 20 | projecting into a school-house, which school-house was under a
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| 21 | gable of the church-roof, made the push an ecclesiastical offence.
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| 22 | It was an amusing case; and sent me up to Highgate, on the box of
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| 23 | the stage-coach, thinking about the Commons, and what Mr. Spenlow
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| 24 | had said about touching the Commons and bringing down the country.
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| 25 | Mrs. Steerforth was pleased to see me, and so was Rosa Dartle. I
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| 26 | was agreeably surprised to find that Littimer was not there, and
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| 27 | that we were attended by a modest little parlour-maid, with blue
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| 28 | ribbons in her cap, whose eye it was much more pleasant, and much
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| 29 | less disconcerting, to catch by accident, than the eye of that
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| 30 | respectable man. But what I particularly observed, before I had
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| 31 | been half-an-hour in the house, was the close and attentive watch
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| 32 | Miss Dartle kept upon me; and the lurking manner in which she
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| 33 | seemed to compare my face with Steerforth's, and Steerforth's with
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| 34 | mine, and to lie in wait for something to come out between the two.
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| 35 | So surely as I looked towards her, did I see that eager visage,
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| 36 | with its gaunt black eyes and searching brow, intent on mine; or
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| 37 | passing suddenly from mine to Steerforth's; or comprehending both
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| 38 | of us at once. In this lynx-like scrutiny she was so far from
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| 39 | faltering when she saw I observed it, that at such a time she only
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| 40 | fixed her piercing look upon me with a more intent expression
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| 41 | still. Blameless as I was, and knew that I was, in reference to
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| 42 | any wrong she could possibly suspect me of, I shrunk before her
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| 43 | strange eyes, quite unable to endure their hungry lustre.
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| 44 | All day, she seemed to pervade the whole house. If I talked to
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| 45 | Steerforth in his room, I heard her dress rustle in the little
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| 46 | gallery outside. When he and I engaged in some of our old
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| 47 | exercises on the lawn behind the house, I saw her face pass from
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| 48 | window to window, like a wandering light, until it fixed itself in
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| 49 | one, and watched us. When we all four went out walking in the
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| 50 | afternoon, she closed her thin hand on my arm like a spring, to
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| 51 | keep me back, while Steerforth and his mother went on out of
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| 52 | hearing: and then spoke to me.
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| 53 | 'You have been a long time,' she said, 'without coming here. Is
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| 54 | your profession really so engaging and interesting as to absorb
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| 55 | your whole attention? I ask because I always want to be informed,
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| 56 | when I am ignorant. Is it really, though?'
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| 57 | I replied that I liked it well enough, but that I certainly could
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| 58 | not claim so much for it.
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| 59 | 'Oh! I am glad to know that, because I always like to be put right
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| 60 | when I am wrong,' said Rosa Dartle. 'You mean it is a little dry,
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| 61 | perhaps?'
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| 62 | 'Well,' I replied; 'perhaps it was a little dry.'
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| 63 | 'Oh! and that's a reason why you want relief and change -
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| 64 | excitement and all that?' said she. 'Ah! very true! But isn't it
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| 65 | a little - Eh? - for him; I don't mean you?'
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| 66 | A quick glance of her eye towards the spot where Steerforth was
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| 67 | walking, with his mother leaning on his arm, showed me whom she
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| 68 | meant; but beyond that, I was quite lost. And I looked so, I have
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| 69 | no doubt.
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| 70 | 'Don't it - I don't say that it does, mind I want to know - don't
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| 71 | it rather engross him? Don't it make him, perhaps, a little more
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| 72 | remiss than usual in his visits to his blindly-doting - eh?' With
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| 73 | another quick glance at them, and such a glance at me as seemed to
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| 74 | look into my innermost thoughts.
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| 75 | 'Miss Dartle,' I returned, 'pray do not think -'
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| 76 | 'I don't!' she said. 'Oh dear me, don't suppose that I think
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| 77 | anything! I am not suspicious. I only ask a question. I don't
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| 78 | state any opinion. I want to found an opinion on what you tell me.
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| 79 | Then, it's not so? Well! I am very glad to know it.'
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| 80 | 'It certainly is not the fact,' said I, perplexed, 'that I am
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| 81 | accountable for Steerforth's having been away from home longer than
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| 82 | usual - if he has been: which I really don't know at this moment,
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| 83 | unless I understand it from you. I have not seen him this long
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| 84 | while, until last night.'
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| 85 | 'No?'
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| 86 | 'Indeed, Miss Dartle, no!'
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| 87 | As she looked full at me, I saw her face grow sharper and paler,
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| 88 | and the marks of the old wound lengthen out until it cut through
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| 89 | the disfigured lip, and deep into the nether lip, and slanted down
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| 90 | the face. There was something positively awful to me in this, and
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| 91 | in the brightness of her eyes, as she said, looking fixedly at me:
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| 92 | 'What is he doing?'
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| 93 | I repeated the words, more to myself than her, being so amazed.
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| 94 | 'What is he doing?' she said, with an eagerness that seemed enough
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| 95 | to consume her like a fire. 'In what is that man assisting him,
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| 96 | who never looks at me without an inscrutable falsehood in his eyes?
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| 97 | If you are honourable and faithful, I don't ask you to betray your
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| 98 | friend. I ask you only to tell me, is it anger, is it hatred, is
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| 99 | it pride, is it restlessness, is it some wild fancy, is it love,
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| 100 | what is it, that is leading him?'
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| 101 | 'Miss Dartle,' I returned, 'how shall I tell you, so that you will
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| 102 | believe me, that I know of nothing in Steerforth different from
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| 103 | what there was when I first came here? I can think of nothing. I
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| 104 | firmly believe there is nothing. I hardly understand even what you
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| 105 | mean.'
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| 106 | As she still stood looking fixedly at me, a twitching or throbbing,
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| 107 | from which I could not dissociate the idea of pain, came into that
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| 108 | cruel mark; and lifted up the corner of her lip as if with scorn,
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| 109 | or with a pity that despised its object. She put her hand upon it
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| 110 | hurriedly - a hand so thin and delicate, that when I had seen her
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| 111 | hold it up before the fire to shade her face, I had compared it in
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| 112 | my thoughts to fine porcelain - and saying, in a quick, fierce,
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| 113 | passionate way, 'I swear you to secrecy about this!' said not a
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| 114 | word more.
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| 115 | Mrs. Steerforth was particularly happy in her son's society, and
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| 116 | Steerforth was, on this occasion, particularly attentive and
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| 117 | respectful to her. It was very interesting to me to see them
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| 118 | together, not only on account of their mutual affection, but
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| 119 | because of the strong personal resemblance between them, and the
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| 120 | manner in which what was haughty or impetuous in him was softened
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| 121 | by age and sex, in her, to a gracious dignity. I thought, more
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| 122 | than once, that it was well no serious cause of division had ever
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| 123 | come between them; or two such natures - I ought rather to express
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| 124 | it, two such shades of the same nature - might have been harder to
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| 125 | reconcile than the two extremest opposites in creation. The idea
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| 126 | did not originate in my own discernment, I am bound to confess, but
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| 127 | in a speech of Rosa Dartle's.
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| 128 | She said at dinner:
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| 129 | 'Oh, but do tell me, though, somebody, because I have been thinking
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| 130 | about it all day, and I want to know.'
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| 131 | 'You want to know what, Rosa?' returned Mrs. Steerforth. 'Pray,
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| 132 | pray, Rosa, do not be mysterious.'
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| 133 | 'Mysterious!' she cried. 'Oh! really? Do you consider me so?'
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| 134 | 'Do I constantly entreat you,' said Mrs. Steerforth, 'to speak
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| 135 | plainly, in your own natural manner?'
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| 136 | 'Oh! then this is not my natural manner?' she rejoined. 'Now you
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| 137 | must really bear with me, because I ask for information. We never
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| 138 | know ourselves.'
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| 139 | 'It has become a second nature,' said Mrs. Steerforth, without any
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| 140 | displeasure; 'but I remember, - and so must you, I think, - when
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| 141 | your manner was different, Rosa; when it was not so guarded, and
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| 142 | was more trustful.'
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| 143 | 'I am sure you are right,' she returned; 'and so it is that bad
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| 144 | habits grow upon one! Really? Less guarded and more trustful?
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| 145 | How can I, imperceptibly, have changed, I wonder! Well, that's
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| 146 | very odd! I must study to regain my former self.'
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| 147 | 'I wish you would,' said Mrs. Steerforth, with a smile.
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| 148 | 'Oh! I really will, you know!' she answered. 'I will learn
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| 149 | frankness from - let me see - from James.'
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| 150 | 'You cannot learn frankness, Rosa,' said Mrs. Steerforth quickly -
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| 151 | for there was always some effect of sarcasm in what Rosa Dartle
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| 152 | said, though it was said, as this was, in the most unconscious
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| 153 | manner in the world - 'in a better school.'
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| 154 | 'That I am sure of,' she answered, with uncommon fervour. 'If I am
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| 155 | sure of anything, of course, you know, I am sure of that.'
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| 156 | Mrs. Steerforth appeared to me to regret having been a little
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| 157 | nettled; for she presently said, in a kind tone:
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| 158 | 'Well, my dear Rosa, we have not heard what it is that you want to
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| 159 | be satisfied about?'
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| 160 | 'That I want to be satisfied about?' she replied, with provoking
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| 161 | coldness. 'Oh! It was only whether people, who are like each
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| 162 | other in their moral constitution - is that the phrase?'
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| 163 | 'It's as good a phrase as another,' said Steerforth.
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| 164 | 'Thank you: - whether people, who are like each other in their
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| 165 | moral constitution, are in greater danger than people not so
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| 166 | circumstanced, supposing any serious cause of variance to arise
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| 167 | between them, of being divided angrily and deeply?'
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| 168 | 'I should say yes,' said Steerforth.
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| 169 | 'Should you?' she retorted. 'Dear me! Supposing then, for
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| 170 | instance - any unlikely thing will do for a supposition - that you
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| 171 | and your mother were to have a serious quarrel.'
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| 172 | 'My dear Rosa,' interposed Mrs. Steerforth, laughing
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| 173 | good-naturedly, 'suggest some other supposition! James and I know
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| 174 | our duty to each other better, I pray Heaven!'
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| 175 | 'Oh!' said Miss Dartle, nodding her head thoughtfully. 'To be
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| 176 | sure. That would prevent it? Why, of course it would. Exactly.
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| 177 | Now, I am glad I have been so foolish as to put the case, for it is
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| 178 | so very good to know that your duty to each other would prevent it!
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| 179 | Thank you very much.'
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| 180 | One other little circumstance connected with Miss Dartle I must not
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| 181 | omit; for I had reason to remember it thereafter, when all the
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| 182 | irremediable past was rendered plain. During the whole of this
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| 183 | day, but especially from this period of it, Steerforth exerted
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| 184 | himself with his utmost skill, and that was with his utmost ease,
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| 185 | to charm this singular creature into a pleasant and pleased
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| 186 | companion. That he should succeed, was no matter of surprise to
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| 187 | me. That she should struggle against the fascinating influence of
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| 188 | his delightful art - delightful nature I thought it then - did not
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| 189 | surprise me either; for I knew that she was sometimes jaundiced and
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| 190 | perverse. I saw her features and her manner slowly change; I saw
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| 191 | her look at him with growing admiration; I saw her try, more and
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| 192 | more faintly, but always angrily, as if she condemned a weakness in
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| 193 | herself, to resist the captivating power that he possessed; and
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| 194 | finally, I saw her sharp glance soften, and her smile become quite
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| 195 | gentle, and I ceased to be afraid of her as I had really been all
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| 196 | day, and we all sat about the fire, talking and laughing together,
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| 197 | with as little reserve as if we had been children.
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| 198 | Whether it was because we had sat there so long, or because
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| 199 | Steerforth was resolved not to lose the advantage he had gained, I
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| 200 | do not know; but we did not remain in the dining-room more than
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| 201 | five minutes after her departure. 'She is playing her harp,' said
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| 202 | Steerforth, softly, at the drawing-room door, 'and nobody but my
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| 203 | mother has heard her do that, I believe, these three years.' He
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| 204 | said it with a curious smile, which was gone directly; and we went
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| 205 | into the room and found her alone.
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| 206 | 'Don't get up,' said Steerforth (which she had already done)' my
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| 207 | dear Rosa, don't! Be kind for once, and sing us an Irish song.'
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| 208 | 'What do you care for an Irish song?' she returned.
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| 209 | 'Much!' said Steerforth. 'Much more than for any other. Here is
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| 210 | Daisy, too, loves music from his soul. Sing us an Irish song,
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| 211 | Rosa! and let me sit and listen as I used to do.'
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| 212 | He did not touch her, or the chair from which she had risen, but
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| 213 | sat himself near the harp. She stood beside it for some little
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| 214 | while, in a curious way, going through the motion of playing it
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| 215 | with her right hand, but not sounding it. At length she sat down,
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| 216 | and drew it to her with one sudden action, and played and sang.
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| 217 | I don't know what it was, in her touch or voice, that made that
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| 218 | song the most unearthly I have ever heard in my life, or can
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| 219 | imagine. There was something fearful in the reality of it. It was
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| 220 | as if it had never been written, or set to music, but sprung out of
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| 221 | passion within her; which found imperfect utterance in the low
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| 222 | sounds of her voice, and crouched again when all was still. I was
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| 223 | dumb when she leaned beside the harp again, playing it, but not
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| 224 | sounding it, with her right hand.
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| 225 | A minute more, and this had roused me from my trance: - Steerforth
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| 226 | had left his seat, and gone to her, and had put his arm laughingly
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| 227 | about her, and had said, 'Come, Rosa, for the future we will love
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| 228 | each other very much!' And she had struck him, and had thrown him
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| 229 | off with the fury of a wild cat, and had burst out of the room.
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| 230 | 'What is the matter with Rosa?' said Mrs. Steerforth, coming in.
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| 231 | 'She has been an angel, mother,' returned Steerforth, 'for a little
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| 232 | while; and has run into the opposite extreme, since, by way of
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| 233 | compensation.'
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| 234 | 'You should be careful not to irritate her, James. Her temper has
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| 235 | been soured, remember, and ought not to be tried.'
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| 236 | Rosa did not come back; and no other mention was made of her, until
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| 237 | I went with Steerforth into his room to say Good night. Then he
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| 238 | laughed about her, and asked me if I had ever seen such a fierce
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| 239 | little piece of incomprehensibility.
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| 240 | I expressed as much of my astonishment as was then capable of
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| 241 | expression, and asked if he could guess what it was that she had
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| 242 | taken so much amiss, so suddenly.
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| 243 | 'Oh, Heaven knows,' said Steerforth. 'Anything you like - or
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| 244 | nothing! I told you she took everything, herself included, to a
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| 245 | grindstone, and sharpened it. She is an edge-tool, and requires
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| 246 | great care in dealing with. She is always dangerous. Good night!'
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| 247 | 'Good night!' said I, 'my dear Steerforth! I shall be gone before
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| 248 | you wake in the morning. Good night!'
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| 249 | He was unwilling to let me go; and stood, holding me out, with a
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| 250 | hand on each of my shoulders, as he had done in my own room.
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| 251 | 'Daisy,' he said, with a smile - 'for though that's not the name
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| 252 | your godfathers and godmothers gave you, it's the name I like best
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| 253 | to call you by - and I wish, I wish, I wish, you could give it to
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| 254 | me!'
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| 255 | 'Why so I can, if I choose,' said I.
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| 256 | 'Daisy, if anything should ever separate us, you must think of me
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| 257 | at my best, old boy. Come! Let us make that bargain. Think of me
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| 258 | at my best, if circumstances should ever part us!'
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| 259 | 'You have no best to me, Steerforth,' said I, 'and no worst. You
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| 260 | are always equally loved, and cherished in my heart.'
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| 261 | So much compunction for having ever wronged him, even by a
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| 262 | shapeless thought, did I feel within me, that the confession of
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| 263 | having done so was rising to my lips. But for the reluctance I had
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| 264 | to betray the confidence of Agnes, but for my uncertainty how to
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| 265 | approach the subject with no risk of doing so, it would have
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| 266 | reached them before he said, 'God bless you, Daisy, and good
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| 267 | night!' In my doubt, it did NOT reach them; and we shook hands, and
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| 268 | we parted.
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| 269 | I was up with the dull dawn, and, having dressed as quietly as I
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| 270 | could, looked into his room. He was fast asleep; lying, easily,
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| 271 | with his head upon his arm, as I had often seen him lie at school.
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| 272 | The time came in its season, and that was very soon, when I almost
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| 273 | wondered that nothing troubled his repose, as I looked at him. But
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| 274 | he slept - let me think of him so again - as I had often seen him
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| 275 | sleep at school; and thus, in this silent hour, I left him.
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| 276 | - Never more, oh God forgive you, Steerforth! to touch that passive
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| 277 | hand in love and friendship. Never, never more!
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