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Charles Dickens
Chapter 16
Charles Dickens
 
 
1       Next morning, after breakfast, I entered on school life again. I
2  went, accompanied by Mr. Wickfield, to the scene of my future
3  studies - a grave building in a courtyard, with a learned air about
4  it that seemed very well suited to the stray rooks and jackdaws who
5  came down from the Cathedral towers to walk with a clerkly bearing
6  on the grass-plot - and was introduced to my new master, Doctor
7  Strong.

8       Doctor Strong looked almost as rusty, to my thinking, as the tall
9  iron rails and gates outside the house; and almost as stiff and
10  heavy as the great stone urns that flanked them, and were set up,
11  on the top of the red-brick wall, at regular distances all round
12  the court, like sublimated skittles, for Time to play at. He was
13  in his library (I mean Doctor Strong was), with his clothes not
14  particularly well brushed, and his hair not particularly well
15  combed; his knee-smalls unbraced; his long black gaiters
16  unbuttoned; and his shoes yawning like two caverns on the
17  hearth-rug. Turning upon me a lustreless eye, that reminded me of
18  a long-forgotten blind old horse who once used to crop the grass,
19  and tumble over the graves, in Blunderstone churchyard, he said he
20  was glad to see me: and then he gave me his hand; which I didn't
21  know what to do with, as it did nothing for itself.

22       But, sitting at work, not far from Doctor Strong, was a very pretty
23  young lady - whom he called Annie, and who was his daughter, I
24  supposed - who got me out of my difficulty by kneeling down to put
25  Doctor Strong's shoes on, and button his gaiters, which she did
26  with great cheerfulness and quickness. When she had finished, and
27  we were going out to the schoolroom, I was much surprised to hear
28  Mr. Wickfield, in bidding her good morning, address her as 'Mrs.
29  Strong'; and I was wondering could she be Doctor Strong's son's
30  wife, or could she be Mrs. Doctor Strong, when Doctor Strong
31  himself unconsciously enlightened me.

32       'By the by, Wickfield,' he said, stopping in a passage with his
33  hand on my shoulder; 'you have not found any suitable provision for
34  my wife's cousin yet?'

35       'No,' said Mr. Wickfield. 'No. Not yet.'

36       'I could wish it done as soon as it can be done, Wickfield,' said
37  Doctor Strong, 'for Jack Maldon is needy, and idle; and of those
38  two bad things, worse things sometimes come. What does Doctor
39  Watts say,' he added, looking at me, and moving his head to the
40  time of his quotation, '"Satan finds some mischief still, for idle
41  hands to do."'

42       'Egad, Doctor,' returned Mr. Wickfield, 'if Doctor Watts knew
43  mankind, he might have written, with as much truth, "Satan finds
44  some mischief still, for busy hands to do." The busy people achieve
45  their full share of mischief in the world, you may rely upon it.
46  What have the people been about, who have been the busiest in
47  getting money, and in getting power, this century or two? No
48  mischief?'

49       'Jack Maldon will never be very busy in getting either, I expect,'
50  said Doctor Strong, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

51       'Perhaps not,' said Mr. Wickfield; 'and you bring me back to the
52  question, with an apology for digressing. No, I have not been able
53  to dispose of Mr. Jack Maldon yet. I believe,' he said this with
54  some hesitation, 'I penetrate your motive, and it makes the thing
55  more difficult.'

56       'My motive,' returned Doctor Strong, 'is to make some suitable
57  provision for a cousin, and an old playfellow, of Annie's.'

58       'Yes, I know,' said Mr. Wickfield; 'at home or abroad.'

59       'Aye!' replied the Doctor, apparently wondering why he emphasized
60  those words so much. 'At home or abroad.'

61       'Your own expression, you know,' said Mr. Wickfield. 'Or abroad.'

62       'Surely,' the Doctor answered. 'Surely. One or other.'

63       'One or other? Have you no choice?' asked Mr. Wickfield.

64       'No,' returned the Doctor.

65       'No?' with astonishment.

66       'Not the least.'

67       'No motive,' said Mr. Wickfield, 'for meaning abroad, and not at
68  home?'

69       'No,' returned the Doctor.

70       'I am bound to believe you, and of course I do believe you,' said
71  Mr. Wickfield. 'It might have simplified my office very much, if
72  I had known it before. But I confess I entertained another
73  impression.'

74       Doctor Strong regarded him with a puzzled and doubting look, which
75  almost immediately subsided into a smile that gave me great
76  encouragement; for it was full of amiability and sweetness, and
77  there was a simplicity in it, and indeed in his whole manner, when
78  the studious, pondering frost upon it was got through, very
79  attractive and hopeful to a young scholar like me. Repeating 'no',
80  and 'not the least', and other short assurances to the same
81  purport, Doctor Strong jogged on before us, at a queer, uneven
82  pace; and we followed: Mr. Wickfield, looking grave, I observed,
83  and shaking his head to himself, without knowing that I saw him.

84       The schoolroom was a pretty large hall, on the quietest side of the
85  house, confronted by the stately stare of some half-dozen of the
86  great urns, and commanding a peep of an old secluded garden
87  belonging to the Doctor, where the peaches were ripening on the
88  sunny south wall. There were two great aloes, in tubs, on the turf
89  outside the windows; the broad hard leaves of which plant (looking
90  as if they were made of painted tin) have ever since, by
91  association, been symbolical to me of silence and retirement.
92  About five-and-twenty boys were studiously engaged at their books
93  when we went in, but they rose to give the Doctor good morning, and
94  remained standing when they saw Mr. Wickfield and me.

95       'A new boy, young gentlemen,' said the Doctor; 'Trotwood
96  Copperfield.'

97       One Adams, who was the head-boy, then stepped out of his place and
98  welcomed me. He looked like a young clergyman, in his white
99  cravat, but he was very affable and good-humoured; and he showed me
100  my place, and presented me to the masters, in a gentlemanly way
101  that would have put me at my ease, if anything could.

102       It seemed to me so long, however, since I had been among such boys,
103  or among any companions of my own age, except Mick Walker and Mealy
104  Potatoes, that I felt as strange as ever I have done in my life.
105  I was so conscious of having passed through scenes of which they
106  could have no knowledge, and of having acquired experiences foreign
107  to my age, appearance, and condition as one of them, that I half
108  believed it was an imposture to come there as an ordinary little
109  schoolboy. I had become, in the Murdstone and Grinby time, however
110  short or long it may have been, so unused to the sports and games
111  of boys, that I knew I was awkward and inexperienced in the
112  commonest things belonging to them. Whatever I had learnt, had so
113  slipped away from me in the sordid cares of my life from day to
114  night, that now, when I was examined about what I knew, I knew
115  nothing, and was put into the lowest form of the school. But,
116  troubled as I was, by my want of boyish skill, and of book-learning
117  too, I was made infinitely more uncomfortable by the consideration,
118  that, in what I did know, I was much farther removed from my
119  companions than in what I did not. My mind ran upon what they
120  would think, if they knew of my familiar acquaintance with the
121  King's Bench Prison? Was there anything about me which would
122  reveal my proceedings in connexion with the Micawber family - all
123  those pawnings, and sellings, and suppers - in spite of myself?
124  Suppose some of the boys had seen me coming through Canterbury,
125  wayworn and ragged, and should find me out? What would they say,
126  who made so light of money, if they could know how I had scraped my
127  halfpence together, for the purchase of my daily saveloy and beer,
128  or my slices of pudding? How would it affect them, who were so
129  innocent of London life, and London streets, to discover how
130  knowing I was (and was ashamed to be) in some of the meanest phases
131  of both? All this ran in my head so much, on that first day at
132  Doctor Strong's, that I felt distrustful of my slightest look and
133  gesture; shrunk within myself whensoever I was approached by one of
134  my new schoolfellows; and hurried off the minute school was over,
135  afraid of committing myself in my response to any friendly notice
136  or advance.

137       But there was such an influence in Mr. Wickfield's old house, that
138  when I knocked at it, with my new school-books under my arm, I
139  began to feel my uneasiness softening away. As I went up to my
140  airy old room, the grave shadow of the staircase seemed to fall
141  upon my doubts and fears, and to make the past more indistinct. I
142  sat there, sturdily conning my books, until dinner-time (we were
143  out of school for good at three); and went down, hopeful of
144  becoming a passable sort of boy yet.

145       Agnes was in the drawing-room, waiting for her father, who was
146  detained by someone in his office. She met me with her pleasant
147  smile, and asked me how I liked the school. I told her I should
148  like it very much, I hoped; but I was a little strange to it at
149  first.

150       'You have never been to school,' I said, 'have you?'
151  'Oh yes! Every day.'

152       'Ah, but you mean here, at your own home?'

153       'Papa couldn't spare me to go anywhere else,' she answered, smiling
154  and shaking her head. 'His housekeeper must be in his house, you
155  know.'

156       'He is very fond of you, I am sure,' I said.

157       She nodded 'Yes,' and went to the door to listen for his coming up,
158  that she might meet him on the stairs. But, as he was not there,
159  she came back again.

160       'Mama has been dead ever since I was born,' she said, in her quiet
161  way. 'I only know her picture, downstairs. I saw you looking at
162  it yesterday. Did you think whose it was?'

163       I told her yes, because it was so like herself.

164       'Papa says so, too,' said Agnes, pleased. 'Hark! That's papa
165  now!'

166       Her bright calm face lighted up with pleasure as she went to meet
167  him, and as they came in, hand in hand. He greeted me cordially;
168  and told me I should certainly be happy under Doctor Strong, who
169  was one of the gentlest of men.

170       'There may be some, perhaps - I don't know that there are - who
171  abuse his kindness,' said Mr. Wickfield. 'Never be one of those,
172  Trotwood, in anything. He is the least suspicious of mankind; and
173  whether that's a merit, or whether it's a blemish, it deserves
174  consideration in all dealings with the Doctor, great or small.'

175       He spoke, I thought, as if he were weary, or dissatisfied with
176  something; but I did not pursue the question in my mind, for dinner
177  was just then announced, and we went down and took the same seats
178  as before.

179       We had scarcely done so, when Uriah Heep put in his red head and
180  his lank hand at the door, and said:

181       'Here's Mr. Maldon begs the favour of a word, sir.'

182       'I am but this moment quit of Mr. Maldon,' said his master.

183       'Yes, sir,' returned Uriah; 'but Mr. Maldon has come back, and he
184  begs the favour of a word.'

185       As he held the door open with his hand, Uriah looked at me, and
186  looked at Agnes, and looked at the dishes, and looked at the
187  plates, and looked at every object in the room, I thought, - yet
188  seemed to look at nothing; he made such an appearance all the while
189  of keeping his red eyes dutifully on his master.
190  'I beg your pardon. It's only to say, on reflection,' observed a
191  voice behind Uriah, as Uriah's head was pushed away, and the
192  speaker's substituted - 'pray excuse me for this intrusion - that
193  as it seems I have no choice in the matter, the sooner I go abroad
194  the better. My cousin Annie did say, when we talked of it, that
195  she liked to have her friends within reach rather than to have them
196  banished, and the old Doctor -'

197       'Doctor Strong, was that?' Mr. Wickfield interposed, gravely.

198       'Doctor Strong, of course,' returned the other; 'I call him the old
199  Doctor; it's all the same, you know.'

200       'I don't know,' returned Mr. Wickfield.

201       'Well, Doctor Strong,' said the other - 'Doctor Strong was of the
202  same mind, I believed. But as it appears from the course you take
203  with me he has changed his mind, why there's no more to be said,
204  except that the sooner I am off, the better. Therefore, I thought
205  I'd come back and say, that the sooner I am off the better. When
206  a plunge is to be made into the water, it's of no use lingering on
207  the bank.'

208       'There shall be as little lingering as possible, in your case, Mr.
209  Maldon, you may depend upon it,' said Mr. Wickfield.

210       'Thank'ee,' said the other. 'Much obliged. I don't want to look
211  a gift-horse in the mouth, which is not a gracious thing to do;
212  otherwise, I dare say, my cousin Annie could easily arrange it in
213  her own way. I suppose Annie would only have to say to the old
214  Doctor -'

215       'Meaning that Mrs. Strong would only have to say to her husband -
216  do I follow you?' said Mr. Wickfield.

217       'Quite so,' returned the other, '- would only have to say, that she
218  wanted such and such a thing to be so and so; and it would be so
219  and so, as a matter of course.'

220       'And why as a matter of course, Mr. Maldon?' asked Mr. Wickfield,
221  sedately eating his dinner.

222       'Why, because Annie's a charming young girl, and the old Doctor -
223  Doctor Strong, I mean - is not quite a charming young boy,' said
224  Mr. Jack Maldon, laughing. 'No offence to anybody, Mr. Wickfield.
225  I only mean that I suppose some compensation is fair and reasonable
226  in that sort of marriage.'

227       'Compensation to the lady, sir?' asked Mr. Wickfield gravely.

228       'To the lady, sir,' Mr. Jack Maldon answered, laughing. But
229  appearing to remark that Mr. Wickfield went on with his dinner in
230  the same sedate, immovable manner, and that there was no hope of
231  making him relax a muscle of his face, he added:
232  'However, I have said what I came to say, and, with another apology
233  for this intrusion, I may take myself off. Of course I shall
234  observe your directions, in considering the matter as one to be
235  arranged between you and me solely, and not to be referred to, up
236  at the Doctor's.'

237       'Have you dined?' asked Mr. Wickfield, with a motion of his hand
238  towards the table.

239       'Thank'ee. I am going to dine,' said Mr. Maldon, 'with my cousin
240  Annie. Good-bye!'

241       Mr. Wickfield, without rising, looked after him thoughtfully as he
242  went out. He was rather a shallow sort of young gentleman, I
243  thought, with a handsome face, a rapid utterance, and a confident,
244  bold air. And this was the first I ever saw of Mr. Jack Maldon;
245  whom I had not expected to see so soon, when I heard the Doctor
246  speak of him that morning.

247       When we had dined, we went upstairs again, where everything went on
248  exactly as on the previous day. Agnes set the glasses and
249  decanters in the same corner, and Mr. Wickfield sat down to drink,
250  and drank a good deal. Agnes played the piano to him, sat by him,
251  and worked and talked, and played some games at dominoes with me.
252  In good time she made tea; and afterwards, when I brought down my
253  books, looked into them, and showed me what she knew of them (which
254  was no slight matter, though she said it was), and what was the
255  best way to learn and understand them. I see her, with her modest,
256  orderly, placid manner, and I hear her beautiful calm voice, as I
257  write these words. The influence for all good, which she came to
258  exercise over me at a later time, begins already to descend upon my
259  breast. I love little Em'ly, and I don't love Agnes - no, not at
260  all in that way - but I feel that there are goodness, peace, and
261  truth, wherever Agnes is; and that the soft light of the coloured
262  window in the church, seen long ago, falls on her always, and on me
263  when I am near her, and on everything around.

264       The time having come for her withdrawal for the night, and she
265  having left us, I gave Mr. Wickfield my hand, preparatory to going
266  away myself. But he checked me and said: 'Should you like to stay
267  with us, Trotwood, or to go elsewhere?'

268       'To stay,' I answered, quickly.

269       'You are sure?'

270       'If you please. If I may!'

271       'Why, it's but a dull life that we lead here, boy, I am afraid,' he
272  said.

273       'Not more dull for me than Agnes, sir. Not dull at all!'

274       'Than Agnes,' he repeated, walking slowly to the great
275  chimney-piece, and leaning against it. 'Than Agnes!'

276       He had drank wine that evening (or I fancied it), until his eyes
277  were bloodshot. Not that I could see them now, for they were cast
278  down, and shaded by his hand; but I had noticed them a little while
279  before.

280       'Now I wonder,' he muttered, 'whether my Agnes tires of me. When
281  should I ever tire of her! But that's different, that's quite
282  different.'

283       He was musing, not speaking to me; so I remained quiet.

284       'A dull old house,' he said, 'and a monotonous life; but I must
285  have her near me. I must keep her near me. If the thought that I
286  may die and leave my darling, or that my darling may die and leave
287  me, comes like a spectre, to distress my happiest hours, and is
288  only to be drowned in -'

289       He did not supply the word; but pacing slowly to the place where he
290  had sat, and mechanically going through the action of pouring wine
291  from the empty decanter, set it down and paced back again.

292       'If it is miserable to bear, when she is here,' he said, 'what
293  would it be, and she away? No, no, no. I cannot try that.'

294       He leaned against the chimney-piece, brooding so long that I could
295  not decide whether to run the risk of disturbing him by going, or
296  to remain quietly where I was, until he should come out of his
297  reverie. At length he aroused himself, and looked about the room
298  until his eyes encountered mine.

299       'Stay with us, Trotwood, eh?' he said in his usual manner, and as
300  if he were answering something I had just said. 'I am glad of it.
301  You are company to us both. It is wholesome to have you here.
302  Wholesome for me, wholesome for Agnes, wholesome perhaps for all of
303  us.'

304       'I am sure it is for me, sir,' I said. 'I am so glad to be here.'

305       'That's a fine fellow!' said Mr. Wickfield. 'As long as you are
306  glad to be here, you shall stay here.' He shook hands with me upon
307  it, and clapped me on the back; and told me that when I had
308  anything to do at night after Agnes had left us, or when I wished
309  to read for my own pleasure, I was free to come down to his room,
310  if he were there and if I desired it for company's sake, and to sit
311  with him. I thanked him for his consideration; and, as he went
312  down soon afterwards, and I was not tired, went down too, with a
313  book in my hand, to avail myself, for half-an-hour, of his
314  permission.

315       But, seeing a light in the little round office, and immediately
316  feeling myself attracted towards Uriah Heep, who had a sort of
317  fascination for me, I went in there instead. I found Uriah reading
318  a great fat book, with such demonstrative attention, that his lank
319  forefinger followed up every line as he read, and made clammy
320  tracks along the page (or so I fully believed) like a snail.

321       'You are working late tonight, Uriah,' says I.

322       'Yes, Master Copperfield,' says Uriah.

323       As I was getting on the stool opposite, to talk to him more
324  conveniently, I observed that he had not such a thing as a smile
325  about him, and that he could only widen his mouth and make two hard
326  creases down his cheeks, one on each side, to stand for one.

327       'I am not doing office-work, Master Copperfield,' said Uriah.

328       'What work, then?' I asked.

329       'I am improving my legal knowledge, Master Copperfield,' said
330  Uriah. 'I am going through Tidd's Practice. Oh, what a writer Mr.
331  Tidd is, Master Copperfield!'

332       My stool was such a tower of observation, that as I watched him
333  reading on again, after this rapturous exclamation, and following
334  up the lines with his forefinger, I observed that his nostrils,
335  which were thin and pointed, with sharp dints in them, had a
336  singular and most uncomfortable way of expanding and contracting
337  themselves - that they seemed to twinkle instead of his eyes, which
338  hardly ever twinkled at all.

339       'I suppose you are quite a great lawyer?' I said, after looking at
340  him for some time.

341       'Me, Master Copperfield?' said Uriah. 'Oh, no! I'm a very umble
342  person.'

343       It was no fancy of mine about his hands, I observed; for he
344  frequently ground the palms against each other as if to squeeze
345  them dry and warm, besides often wiping them, in a stealthy way, on
346  his pocket-handkerchief.

347       'I am well aware that I am the umblest person going,' said Uriah
348  Heep, modestly; 'let the other be where he may. My mother is
349  likewise a very umble person. We live in a numble abode, Master
350  Copperfield, but have much to be thankful for. My father's former
351  calling was umble. He was a sexton.'

352       'What is he now?' I asked.

353       'He is a partaker of glory at present, Master Copperfield,' said
354  Uriah Heep. 'But we have much to be thankful for. How much have
355  I to be thankful for in living with Mr. Wickfield!'

356       I asked Uriah if he had been with Mr. Wickfield long?

357       'I have been with him, going on four year, Master Copperfield,'
358  said Uriah; shutting up his book, after carefully marking the place
359  where he had left off. 'Since a year after my father's death. How
360  much have I to be thankful for, in that! How much have I to be
361  thankful for, in Mr. Wickfield's kind intention to give me my
362  articles, which would otherwise not lay within the umble means of
363  mother and self!'

364       'Then, when your articled time is over, you'll be a regular lawyer,
365  I suppose?' said I.

366       'With the blessing of Providence, Master Copperfield,' returned
367  Uriah.

368       'Perhaps you'll be a partner in Mr. Wickfield's business, one of
369  these days,' I said, to make myself agreeable; 'and it will be
370  Wickfield and Heep, or Heep late Wickfield.'

371       'Oh no, Master Copperfield,' returned Uriah, shaking his head, 'I
372  am much too umble for that!'

373       He certainly did look uncommonly like the carved face on the beam
374  outside my window, as he sat, in his humility, eyeing me sideways,
375  with his mouth widened, and the creases in his cheeks.

376       'Mr. Wickfield is a most excellent man, Master Copperfield,' said
377  Uriah. 'If you have known him long, you know it, I am sure, much
378  better than I can inform you.'

379       I replied that I was certain he was; but that I had not known him
380  long myself, though he was a friend of my aunt's.

381       'Oh, indeed, Master Copperfield,' said Uriah. 'Your aunt is a
382  sweet lady, Master Copperfield!'

383       He had a way of writhing when he wanted to express enthusiasm,
384  which was very ugly; and which diverted my attention from the
385  compliment he had paid my relation, to the snaky twistings of his
386  throat and body.

387       'A sweet lady, Master Copperfield!' said Uriah Heep. 'She has a
388  great admiration for Miss Agnes, Master Copperfield, I believe?'

389       I said, 'Yes,' boldly; not that I knew anything about it, Heaven
390  forgive me!

391       'I hope you have, too, Master Copperfield,' said Uriah. 'But I am
392  sure you must have.'

393       'Everybody must have,' I returned.

394       'Oh, thank you, Master Copperfield,' said Uriah Heep, 'for that
395  remark! It is so true! Umble as I am, I know it is so true! Oh,
396  thank you, Master Copperfield!'
397  He writhed himself quite off his stool in the excitement of his
398  feelings, and, being off, began to make arrangements for going
399  home.

400       'Mother will be expecting me,' he said, referring to a pale,
401  inexpressive-faced watch in his pocket, 'and getting uneasy; for
402  though we are very umble, Master Copperfield, we are much attached
403  to one another. If you would come and see us, any afternoon, and
404  take a cup of tea at our lowly dwelling, mother would be as proud
405  of your company as I should be.'

406       I said I should be glad to come.

407       'Thank you, Master Copperfield,' returned Uriah, putting his book
408  away upon the shelf - 'I suppose you stop here, some time, Master
409  Copperfield?'

410       I said I was going to be brought up there, I believed, as long as
411  I remained at school.

412       'Oh, indeed!' exclaimed Uriah. 'I should think YOU would come into
413  the business at last, Master Copperfield!'

414       I protested that I had no views of that sort, and that no such
415  scheme was entertained in my behalf by anybody; but Uriah insisted
416  on blandly replying to all my assurances, 'Oh, yes, Master
417  Copperfield, I should think you would, indeed!' and, 'Oh, indeed,
418  Master Copperfield, I should think you would, certainly!' over and
419  over again. Being, at last, ready to leave the office for the
420  night, he asked me if it would suit my convenience to have the
421  light put out; and on my answering 'Yes,' instantly extinguished
422  it. After shaking hands with me - his hand felt like a fish, in
423  the dark - he opened the door into the street a very little, and
424  crept out, and shut it, leaving me to grope my way back into the
425  house: which cost me some trouble and a fall over his stool. This
426  was the proximate cause, I suppose, of my dreaming about him, for
427  what appeared to me to be half the night; and dreaming, among other
428  things, that he had launched Mr. Peggotty's house on a piratical
429  expedition, with a black flag at the masthead, bearing the
430  inscription 'Tidd's Practice', under which diabolical ensign he was
431  carrying me and little Em'ly to the Spanish Main, to be drowned.

432       I got a little the better of my uneasiness when I went to school
433  next day, and a good deal the better next day, and so shook it off
434  by degrees, that in less than a fortnight I was quite at home, and
435  happy, among my new companions. I was awkward enough in their
436  games, and backward enough in their studies; but custom would
437  improve me in the first respect, I hoped, and hard work in the
438  second. Accordingly, I went to work very hard, both in play and in
439  earnest, and gained great commendation. And, in a very little
440  while, the Murdstone and Grinby life became so strange to me that
441  I hardly believed in it, while my present life grew so familiar,
442  that I seemed to have been leading it a long time.

443       Doctor Strong's was an excellent school; as different from Mr.
444  Creakle's as good is from evil. It was very gravely and decorously
445  ordered, and on a sound system; with an appeal, in everything, to
446  the honour and good faith of the boys, and an avowed intention to
447  rely on their possession of those qualities unless they proved
448  themselves unworthy of it, which worked wonders. We all felt that
449  we had a part in the management of the place, and in sustaining its
450  character and dignity. Hence, we soon became warmly attached to it
451  - I am sure I did for one, and I never knew, in all my time, of any
452  other boy being otherwise - and learnt with a good will, desiring
453  to do it credit. We had noble games out of hours, and plenty of
454  liberty; but even then, as I remember, we were well spoken of in
455  the town, and rarely did any disgrace, by our appearance or manner,
456  to the reputation of Doctor Strong and Doctor Strong's boys.

457       Some of the higher scholars boarded in the Doctor's house, and
458  through them I learned, at second hand, some particulars of the
459  Doctor's history - as, how he had not yet been married twelve
460  months to the beautiful young lady I had seen in the study, whom he
461  had married for love; for she had not a sixpence, and had a world
462  of poor relations (so our fellows said) ready to swarm the Doctor
463  out of house and home. Also, how the Doctor's cogitating manner
464  was attributable to his being always engaged in looking out for
465  Greek roots; which, in my innocence and ignorance, I supposed to be
466  a botanical furor on the Doctor's part, especially as he always
467  looked at the ground when he walked about, until I understood that
468  they were roots of words, with a view to a new Dictionary which he
469  had in contemplation. Adams, our head-boy, who had a turn for
470  mathematics, had made a calculation, I was informed, of the time
471  this Dictionary would take in completing, on the Doctor's plan, and
472  at the Doctor's rate of going. He considered that it might be done
473  in one thousand six hundred and forty-nine years, counting from the
474  Doctor's last, or sixty-second, birthday.

475       But the Doctor himself was the idol of the whole school: and it
476  must have been a badly composed school if he had been anything
477  else, for he was the kindest of men; with a simple faith in him
478  that might have touched the stone hearts of the very urns upon the
479  wall. As he walked up and down that part of the courtyard which
480  was at the side of the house, with the stray rooks and jackdaws
481  looking after him with their heads cocked slyly, as if they knew
482  how much more knowing they were in worldly affairs than he, if any
483  sort of vagabond could only get near enough to his creaking shoes
484  to attract his attention to one sentence of a tale of distress,
485  that vagabond was made for the next two days. It was so notorious
486  in the house, that the masters and head-boys took pains to cut
487  these marauders off at angles, and to get out of windows, and turn
488  them out of the courtyard, before they could make the Doctor aware
489  of their presence; which was sometimes happily effected within a
490  few yards of him, without his knowing anything of the matter, as he
491  jogged to and fro. Outside his own domain, and unprotected, he was
492  a very sheep for the shearers. He would have taken his gaiters off
493  his legs, to give away. In fact, there was a story current among
494  us (I have no idea, and never had, on what authority, but I have
495  believed it for so many years that I feel quite certain it is
496  true), that on a frosty day, one winter-time, he actually did
497  bestow his gaiters on a beggar-woman, who occasioned some scandal
498  in the neighbourhood by exhibiting a fine infant from door to door,
499  wrapped in those garments, which were universally recognized, being
500  as well known in the vicinity as the Cathedral. The legend added
501  that the only person who did not identify them was the Doctor
502  himself, who, when they were shortly afterwards displayed at the
503  door of a little second-hand shop of no very good repute, where
504  such things were taken in exchange for gin, was more than once
505  observed to handle them approvingly, as if admiring some curious
506  novelty in the pattern, and considering them an improvement on his
507  own.

508       It was very pleasant to see the Doctor with his pretty young wife.
509  He had a fatherly, benignant way of showing his fondness for her,
510  which seemed in itself to express a good man. I often saw them
511  walking in the garden where the peaches were, and I sometimes had
512  a nearer observation of them in the study or the parlour. She
513  appeared to me to take great care of the Doctor, and to like him
514  very much, though I never thought her vitally interested in the
515  Dictionary: some cumbrous fragments of which work the Doctor always
516  carried in his pockets, and in the lining of his hat, and generally
517  seemed to be expounding to her as they walked about.

518       I saw a good deal of Mrs. Strong, both because she had taken a
519  liking for me on the morning of my introduction to the Doctor, and
520  was always afterwards kind to me, and interested in me; and because
521  she was very fond of Agnes, and was often backwards and forwards at
522  our house. There was a curious constraint between her and Mr.
523  Wickfield, I thought (of whom she seemed to be afraid), that never
524  wore off. When she came there of an evening, she always shrunk
525  from accepting his escort home, and ran away with me instead. And
526  sometimes, as we were running gaily across the Cathedral yard
527  together, expecting to meet nobody, we would meet Mr. Jack Maldon,
528  who was always surprised to see us.

529       Mrs. Strong's mama was a lady I took great delight in. Her name
530  was Mrs. Markleham; but our boys used to call her the Old Soldier,
531  on account of her generalship, and the skill with which she
532  marshalled great forces of relations against the Doctor. She was
533  a little, sharp-eyed woman, who used to wear, when she was dressed,
534  one unchangeable cap, ornamented with some artificial flowers, and
535  two artificial butterflies supposed to be hovering above the
536  flowers. There was a superstition among us that this cap had come
537  from France, and could only originate in the workmanship of that
538  ingenious nation: but all I certainly know about it, is, that it
539  always made its appearance of an evening, wheresoever Mrs.
540  Markleham made HER appearance; that it was carried about to
541  friendly meetings in a Hindoo basket; that the butterflies had the
542  gift of trembling constantly; and that they improved the shining
543  hours at Doctor Strong's expense, like busy bees.

544       I observed the Old Soldier - not to adopt the name disrespectfully
545  - to pretty good advantage, on a night which is made memorable to
546  me by something else I shall relate. It was the night of a little
547  party at the Doctor's, which was given on the occasion of Mr. Jack
548  Maldon's departure for India, whither he was going as a cadet, or
549  something of that kind: Mr. Wickfield having at length arranged the
550  business. It happened to be the Doctor's birthday, too. We had
551  had a holiday, had made presents to him in the morning, had made a
552  speech to him through the head-boy, and had cheered him until we
553  were hoarse, and until he had shed tears. And now, in the evening,
554  Mr. Wickfield, Agnes, and I, went to have tea with him in his
555  private capacity.

556       Mr. Jack Maldon was there, before us. Mrs. Strong, dressed in
557  white, with cherry-coloured ribbons, was playing the piano, when we
558  went in; and he was leaning over her to turn the leaves. The clear
559  red and white of her complexion was not so blooming and flower-like
560  as usual, I thought, when she turned round; but she looked very
561  pretty, Wonderfully pretty.

562       'I have forgotten, Doctor,' said Mrs. Strong's mama, when we were
563  seated, 'to pay you the compliments of the day - though they are,
564  as you may suppose, very far from being mere compliments in my
565  case. Allow me to wish you many happy returns.'

566       'I thank you, ma'am,' replied the Doctor.

567       'Many, many, many, happy returns,' said the Old Soldier. 'Not only
568  for your own sake, but for Annie's, and John Maldon's, and many
569  other people's. It seems but yesterday to me, John, when you were
570  a little creature, a head shorter than Master Copperfield, making
571  baby love to Annie behind the gooseberry bushes in the
572  back-garden.'

573       'My dear mama,' said Mrs. Strong, 'never mind that now.'

574       'Annie, don't be absurd,' returned her mother. 'If you are to
575  blush to hear of such things now you are an old married woman, when
576  are you not to blush to hear of them?'

577       'Old?' exclaimed Mr. Jack Maldon. 'Annie? Come!'

578       'Yes, John,' returned the Soldier. 'Virtually, an old married
579  woman. Although not old by years - for when did you ever hear me
580  say, or who has ever heard me say, that a girl of twenty was old by
581  years! - your cousin is the wife of the Doctor, and, as such, what
582  I have described her. It is well for you, John, that your cousin
583  is the wife of the Doctor. You have found in him an influential
584  and kind friend, who will be kinder yet, I venture to predict, if
585  you deserve it. I have no false pride. I never hesitate to admit,
586  frankly, that there are some members of our family who want a
587  friend. You were one yourself, before your cousin's influence
588  raised up one for you.'

589       The Doctor, in the goodness of his heart, waved his hand as if to
590  make light of it, and save Mr. Jack Maldon from any further
591  reminder. But Mrs. Markleham changed her chair for one next the
592  Doctor's, and putting her fan on his coat-sleeve, said:

593       'No, really, my dear Doctor, you must excuse me if I appear to
594  dwell on this rather, because I feel so very strongly. I call it
595  quite my monomania, it is such a subject of mine. You are a
596  blessing to us. You really are a Boon, you know.'

597       'Nonsense, nonsense,' said the Doctor.

598       'No, no, I beg your pardon,' retorted the Old Soldier. 'With
599  nobody present, but our dear and confidential friend Mr. Wickfield,
600  I cannot consent to be put down. I shall begin to assert the
601  privileges of a mother-in-law, if you go on like that, and scold
602  you. I am perfectly honest and outspoken. What I am saying, is
603  what I said when you first overpowered me with surprise - you
604  remember how surprised I was? - by proposing for Annie. Not that
605  there was anything so very much out of the way, in the mere fact of
606  the proposal - it would be ridiculous to say that! - but because,
607  you having known her poor father, and having known her from a baby
608  six months old, I hadn't thought of you in such a light at all, or
609  indeed as a marrying man in any way, - simply that, you know.'

610       'Aye, aye,' returned the Doctor, good-humouredly. 'Never mind.'

611       'But I DO mind,' said the Old Soldier, laying her fan upon his
612  lips. 'I mind very much. I recall these things that I may be
613  contradicted if I am wrong. Well! Then I spoke to Annie, and I
614  told her what had happened. I said, "My dear, here's Doctor Strong
615  has positively been and made you the subject of a handsome
616  declaration and an offer." Did I press it in the least? No. I
617  said, "Now, Annie, tell me the truth this moment; is your heart
618  free?" "Mama," she said crying, "I am extremely young" - which was
619  perfectly true - "and I hardly know if I have a heart at all."
620  "Then, my dear," I said, "you may rely upon it, it's free. At all
621  events, my love," said I, "Doctor Strong is in an agitated state of
622  mind, and must be answered. He cannot be kept in his present state
623  of suspense." "Mama," said Annie, still crying, "would he be
624  unhappy without me? If he would, I honour and respect him so much,
625  that I think I will have him." So it was settled. And then, and
626  not till then, I said to Annie, "Annie, Doctor Strong will not only
627  be your husband, but he will represent your late father: he will
628  represent the head of our family, he will represent the wisdom and
629  station, and I may say the means, of our family; and will be, in
630  short, a Boon to it." I used the word at the time, and I have used
631  it again, today. If I have any merit it is consistency.'

632       The daughter had sat quite silent and still during this speech,
633  with her eyes fixed on the ground; her cousin standing near her,
634  and looking on the ground too. She now said very softly, in a
635  trembling voice:

636       'Mama, I hope you have finished?'
637  'No, my dear Annie,' returned the Old Soldier, 'I have not quite
638  finished. Since you ask me, my love, I reply that I have not. I
639  complain that you really are a little unnatural towards your own
640  family; and, as it is of no use complaining to you. I mean to
641  complain to your husband. Now, my dear Doctor, do look at that
642  silly wife of yours.'

643       As the Doctor turned his kind face, with its smile of simplicity
644  and gentleness, towards her, she drooped her head more. I noticed
645  that Mr. Wickfield looked at her steadily.

646       'When I happened to say to that naughty thing, the other day,'
647  pursued her mother, shaking her head and her fan at her, playfully,
648  'that there was a family circumstance she might mention to you -
649  indeed, I think, was bound to mention - she said, that to mention
650  it was to ask a favour; and that, as you were too generous, and as
651  for her to ask was always to have, she wouldn't.'

652       'Annie, my dear,' said the Doctor. 'That was wrong. It robbed me
653  of a pleasure.'

654       'Almost the very words I said to her!' exclaimed her mother. 'Now
655  really, another time, when I know what she would tell you but for
656  this reason, and won't, I have a great mind, my dear Doctor, to
657  tell you myself.'

658       'I shall be glad if you will,' returned the Doctor.

659       'Shall I?'

660       'Certainly.'

661       'Well, then, I will!' said the Old Soldier. 'That's a bargain.'
662  And having, I suppose, carried her point, she tapped the Doctor's
663  hand several times with her fan (which she kissed first), and
664  returned triumphantly to her former station.

665       Some more company coming in, among whom were the two masters and
666  Adams, the talk became general; and it naturally turned on Mr. Jack
667  Maldon, and his voyage, and the country he was going to, and his
668  various plans and prospects. He was to leave that night, after
669  supper, in a post-chaise, for Gravesend; where the ship, in which
670  he was to make the voyage, lay; and was to be gone - unless he came
671  home on leave, or for his health - I don't know how many years. I
672  recollect it was settled by general consent that India was quite a
673  misrepresented country, and had nothing objectionable in it, but a
674  tiger or two, and a little heat in the warm part of the day. For
675  my own part, I looked on Mr. Jack Maldon as a modern Sindbad, and
676  pictured him the bosom friend of all the Rajahs in the East,
677  sitting under canopies, smoking curly golden pipes - a mile long,
678  if they could be straightened out.

679       Mrs. Strong was a very pretty singer: as I knew, who often heard
680  her singing by herself. But, whether she was afraid of singing
681  before people, or was out of voice that evening, it was certain
682  that she couldn't sing at all. She tried a duet, once, with her
683  cousin Maldon, but could not so much as begin; and afterwards, when
684  she tried to sing by herself, although she began sweetly, her voice
685  died away on a sudden, and left her quite distressed, with her head
686  hanging down over the keys. The good Doctor said she was nervous,
687  and, to relieve her, proposed a round game at cards; of which he
688  knew as much as of the art of playing the trombone. But I remarked
689  that the Old Soldier took him into custody directly, for her
690  partner; and instructed him, as the first preliminary of
691  initiation, to give her all the silver he had in his pocket.

692       We had a merry game, not made the less merry by the Doctor's
693  mistakes, of which he committed an innumerable quantity, in spite
694  of the watchfulness of the butterflies, and to their great
695  aggravation. Mrs. Strong had declined to play, on the ground of
696  not feeling very well; and her cousin Maldon had excused himself
697  because he had some packing to do. When he had done it, however,
698  he returned, and they sat together, talking, on the sofa. From
699  time to time she came and looked over the Doctor's hand, and told
700  him what to play. She was very pale, as she bent over him, and I
701  thought her finger trembled as she pointed out the cards; but the
702  Doctor was quite happy in her attention, and took no notice of
703  this, if it were so.

704       At supper, we were hardly so gay. Everyone appeared to feel that
705  a parting of that sort was an awkward thing, and that the nearer it
706  approached, the more awkward it was. Mr. Jack Maldon tried to be
707  very talkative, but was not at his ease, and made matters worse.
708  And they were not improved, as it appeared to me, by the Old
709  Soldier: who continually recalled passages of Mr. Jack Maldon's
710  youth.

711       The Doctor, however, who felt, I am sure, that he was making
712  everybody happy, was well pleased, and had no suspicion but that we
713  were all at the utmost height of enjoyment.

714       'Annie, my dear,' said he, looking at his watch, and filling his
715  glass, 'it is past your cousin jack's time, and we must not detain
716  him, since time and tide - both concerned in this case - wait for
717  no man. Mr. Jack Maldon, you have a long voyage, and a strange
718  country, before you; but many men have had both, and many men will
719  have both, to the end of time. The winds you are going to tempt,
720  have wafted thousands upon thousands to fortune, and brought
721  thousands upon thousands happily back.'

722       'It's an affecting thing,' said Mrs. Markleham - 'however it's
723  viewed, it's affecting, to see a fine young man one has known from
724  an infant, going away to the other end of the world, leaving all he
725  knows behind, and not knowing what's before him. A young man
726  really well deserves constant support and patronage,' looking at
727  the Doctor, 'who makes such sacrifices.'

728       'Time will go fast with you, Mr. Jack Maldon,' pursued the Doctor,
729  'and fast with all of us. Some of us can hardly expect, perhaps,
730  in the natural course of things, to greet you on your return. The
731  next best thing is to hope to do it, and that's my case. I shall
732  not weary you with good advice. You have long had a good model
733  before you, in your cousin Annie. Imitate her virtues as nearly as
734  you can.'

735       Mrs. Markleham fanned herself, and shook her head.

736       'Farewell, Mr. Jack,' said the Doctor, standing up; on which we all
737  stood up. 'A prosperous voyage out, a thriving career abroad, and
738  a happy return home!'

739       We all drank the toast, and all shook hands with Mr. Jack Maldon;
740  after which he hastily took leave of the ladies who were there, and
741  hurried to the door, where he was received, as he got into the
742  chaise, with a tremendous broadside of cheers discharged by our
743  boys, who had assembled on the lawn for the purpose. Running in
744  among them to swell the ranks, I was very near the chaise when it
745  rolled away; and I had a lively impression made upon me, in the
746  midst of the noise and dust, of having seen Mr. Jack Maldon rattle
747  past with an agitated face, and something cherry-coloured in his
748  hand.

749       After another broadside for the Doctor, and another for the
750  Doctor's wife, the boys dispersed, and I went back into the house,
751  where I found the guests all standing in a group about the Doctor,
752  discussing how Mr. Jack Maldon had gone away, and how he had borne
753  it, and how he had felt it, and all the rest of it. In the midst
754  of these remarks, Mrs. Markleham cried: 'Where's Annie?'

755       No Annie was there; and when they called to her, no Annie replied.
756  But all pressing out of the room, in a crowd, to see what was the
757  matter, we found her lying on the hall floor. There was great
758  alarm at first, until it was found that she was in a swoon, and
759  that the swoon was yielding to the usual means of recovery; when
760  the Doctor, who had lifted her head upon his knee, put her curls
761  aside with his hand, and said, looking around:

762       'Poor Annie! She's so faithful and tender-hearted! It's the
763  parting from her old playfellow and friend - her favourite cousin
764  - that has done this. Ah! It's a pity! I am very sorry!'

765       When she opened her eyes, and saw where she was, and that we were
766  all standing about her, she arose with assistance: turning her
767  head, as she did so, to lay it on the Doctor's shoulder - or to
768  hide it, I don't know which. We went into the drawing-room, to
769  leave her with the Doctor and her mother; but she said, it seemed,
770  that she was better than she had been since morning, and that she
771  would rather be brought among us; so they brought her in, looking
772  very white and weak, I thought, and sat her on a sofa.

773       'Annie, my dear,' said her mother, doing something to her dress.
774  'See here! You have lost a bow. Will anybody be so good as find
775  a ribbon; a cherry-coloured ribbon?'

776       It was the one she had worn at her bosom. We all looked for it; I
777  myself looked everywhere, I am certain - but nobody could find it.

778       'Do you recollect where you had it last, Annie?' said her mother.

779       I wondered how I could have thought she looked white, or anything
780  but burning red, when she answered that she had had it safe, a
781  little while ago, she thought, but it was not worth looking for.

782       Nevertheless, it was looked for again, and still not found. She
783  entreated that there might be no more searching; but it was still
784  sought for, in a desultory way, until she was quite well, and the
785  company took their departure.

786       We walked very slowly home, Mr. Wickfield, Agnes, and I - Agnes and
787  I admiring the moonlight, and Mr. Wickfield scarcely raising his
788  eyes from the ground. When we, at last, reached our own door,
789  Agnes discovered that she had left her little reticule behind.
790  Delighted to be of any service to her, I ran back to fetch it.

791       I went into the supper-room where it had been left, which was
792  deserted and dark. But a door of communication between that and
793  the Doctor's study, where there was a light, being open, I passed
794  on there, to say what I wanted, and to get a candle.

795       The Doctor was sitting in his easy-chair by the fireside, and his
796  young wife was on a stool at his feet. The Doctor, with a
797  complacent smile, was reading aloud some manuscript explanation or
798  statement of a theory out of that interminable Dictionary, and she
799  was looking up at him. But with such a face as I never saw. It
800  was so beautiful in its form, it was so ashy pale, it was so fixed
801  in its abstraction, it was so full of a wild, sleep-walking, dreamy
802  horror of I don't know what. The eyes were wide open, and her
803  brown hair fell in two rich clusters on her shoulders, and on her
804  white dress, disordered by the want of the lost ribbon. Distinctly
805  as I recollect her look, I cannot say of what it was expressive, I
806  cannot even say of what it is expressive to me now, rising again
807  before my older judgement. Penitence, humiliation, shame, pride,
808  love, and trustfulness - I see them all; and in them all, I see
809  that horror of I don't know what.

810       My entrance, and my saying what I wanted, roused her. It disturbed
811  the Doctor too, for when I went back to replace the candle I had
812  taken from the table, he was patting her head, in his fatherly way,
813  and saying he was a merciless drone to let her tempt him into
814  reading on; and he would have her go to bed.

815       But she asked him, in a rapid, urgent manner, to let her stay - to
816  let her feel assured (I heard her murmur some broken words to this
817  effect) that she was in his confidence that night. And, as she
818  turned again towards him, after glancing at me as I left the room
819  and went out at the door, I saw her cross her hands upon his knee,
820  and look up at him with the same face, something quieted, as he
821  resumed his reading.

822       It made a great impression on me, and I remembered it a long time
823  afterwards; as I shall have occasion to narrate when the time
824  comes.

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