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Charles Dickens
Chapter 10
Charles Dickens
 
 
1       The first act of business Miss Murdstone performed when the day of
2  the solemnity was over, and light was freely admitted into the
3  house, was to give Peggotty a month's warning. Much as Peggotty
4  would have disliked such a service, I believe she would have
5  retained it, for my sake, in preference to the best upon earth.
6  She told me we must part, and told me why; and we condoled with one
7  another, in all sincerity.

8       As to me or my future, not a word was said, or a step taken. Happy
9  they would have been, I dare say, if they could have dismissed me
10  at a month's warning too. I mustered courage once, to ask Miss
11  Murdstone when I was going back to school; and she answered dryly,
12  she believed I was not going back at all. I was told nothing more.
13  I was very anxious to know what was going to be done with me, and
14  so was Peggotty; but neither she nor I could pick up any
15  information on the subject.

16       There was one change in my condition, which, while it relieved me
17  of a great deal of present uneasiness, might have made me, if I had
18  been capable of considering it closely, yet more uncomfortable
19  about the future. It was this. The constraint that had been put
20  upon me, was quite abandoned. I was so far from being required to
21  keep my dull post in the parlour, that on several occasions, when
22  I took my seat there, Miss Murdstone frowned to me to go away. I
23  was so far from being warned off from Peggotty's society, that,
24  provided I was not in Mr. Murdstone's, I was never sought out or
25  inquired for. At first I was in daily dread of his taking my
26  education in hand again, or of Miss Murdstone's devoting herself to
27  it; but I soon began to think that such fears were groundless, and
28  that all I had to anticipate was neglect.

29       I do not conceive that this discovery gave me much pain then. I
30  was still giddy with the shock of my mother's death, and in a kind
31  of stunned state as to all tributary things. I can recollect,
32  indeed, to have speculated, at odd times, on the possibility of my
33  not being taught any more, or cared for any more; and growing up to
34  be a shabby, moody man, lounging an idle life away, about the
35  village; as well as on the feasibility of my getting rid of this
36  picture by going away somewhere, like the hero in a story, to seek
37  my fortune: but these were transient visions, daydreams I sat
38  looking at sometimes, as if they were faintly painted or written on
39  the wall of my room, and which, as they melted away, left the wall
40  blank again.

41       'Peggotty,' I said in a thoughtful whisper, one evening, when I was
42  warming my hands at the kitchen fire, 'Mr. Murdstone likes me less
43  than he used to. He never liked me much, Peggotty; but he would
44  rather not even see me now, if he can help it.'

45       'Perhaps it's his sorrow,' said Peggotty, stroking my hair.

46       'I am sure, Peggotty, I am sorry too. If I believed it was his
47  sorrow, I should not think of it at all. But it's not that; oh,
48  no, it's not that.'

49       'How do you know it's not that?' said Peggotty, after a silence.

50       'Oh, his sorrow is another and quite a different thing. He is
51  sorry at this moment, sitting by the fireside with Miss Murdstone;
52  but if I was to go in, Peggotty, he would be something besides.'

53       'What would he be?' said Peggotty.

54       'Angry,' I answered, with an involuntary imitation of his dark
55  frown. 'If he was only sorry, he wouldn't look at me as he does.
56  I am only sorry, and it makes me feel kinder.'

57       Peggotty said nothing for a little while; and I warmed my hands, as
58  silent as she.

59       'Davy,' she said at length.

60       'Yes, Peggotty?'
61  'I have tried, my dear, all ways I could think of - all the ways
62  there are, and all the ways there ain't, in short - to get a
63  suitable service here, in Blunderstone; but there's no such a
64  thing, my love.'

65       'And what do you mean to do, Peggotty,' says I, wistfully. 'Do you
66  mean to go and seek your fortune?'

67       'I expect I shall be forced to go to Yarmouth,' replied Peggotty,
68  'and live there.'

69       'You might have gone farther off,' I said, brightening a little,
70  'and been as bad as lost. I shall see you sometimes, my dear old
71  Peggotty, there. You won't be quite at the other end of the world,
72  will you?'

73       'Contrary ways, please God!' cried Peggotty, with great animation.
74  'As long as you are here, my pet, I shall come over every week of
75  my life to see you. One day, every week of my life!'

76       I felt a great weight taken off my mind by this promise: but even
77  this was not all, for Peggotty went on to say:

78       'I'm a-going, Davy, you see, to my brother's, first, for another
79  fortnight's visit - just till I have had time to look about me, and
80  get to be something like myself again. Now, I have been thinking
81  that perhaps, as they don't want you here at present, you might be
82  let to go along with me.'

83       If anything, short of being in a different relation to every one
84  about me, Peggotty excepted, could have given me a sense of
85  pleasure at that time, it would have been this project of all
86  others. The idea of being again surrounded by those honest faces,
87  shining welcome on me; of renewing the peacefulness of the sweet
88  Sunday morning, when the bells were ringing, the stones dropping in
89  the water, and the shadowy ships breaking through the mist; of
90  roaming up and down with little Em'ly, telling her my troubles, and
91  finding charms against them in the shells and pebbles on the beach;
92  made a calm in my heart. It was ruffled next moment, to be sure,
93  by a doubt of Miss Murdstone's giving her consent; but even that
94  was set at rest soon, for she came out to take an evening grope in
95  the store-closet while we were yet in conversation, and Peggotty,
96  with a boldness that amazed me, broached the topic on the spot.

97       'The boy will be idle there,' said Miss Murdstone, looking into a
98  pickle-jar, 'and idleness is the root of all evil. But, to be
99  sure, he would be idle here - or anywhere, in my opinion.'

100       Peggotty had an angry answer ready, I could see; but she swallowed
101  it for my sake, and remained silent.

102       'Humph!' said Miss Murdstone, still keeping her eye on the pickles;
103  'it is of more importance than anything else - it is of paramount
104  importance - that my brother should not be disturbed or made
105  uncomfortable. I suppose I had better say yes.'

106       I thanked her, without making any demonstration of joy, lest it
107  should induce her to withdraw her assent. Nor could I help
108  thinking this a prudent course, since she looked at me out of the
109  pickle-jar, with as great an access of sourness as if her black
110  eyes had absorbed its contents. However, the permission was given,
111  and was never retracted; for when the month was out, Peggotty and
112  I were ready to depart.

113       Mr. Barkis came into the house for Peggotty's boxes. I had never
114  known him to pass the garden-gate before, but on this occasion he
115  came into the house. And he gave me a look as he shouldered the
116  largest box and went out, which I thought had meaning in it, if
117  meaning could ever be said to find its way into Mr. Barkis's
118  visage.

119       Peggotty was naturally in low spirits at leaving what had been her
120  home so many years, and where the two strong attachments of her
121  life - for my mother and myself - had been formed. She had been
122  walking in the churchyard, too, very early; and she got into the
123  cart, and sat in it with her handkerchief at her eyes.

124       So long as she remained in this condition, Mr. Barkis gave no sign
125  of life whatever. He sat in his usual place and attitude like a
126  great stuffed figure. But when she began to look about her, and to
127  speak to me, he nodded his head and grinned several times. I have
128  not the least notion at whom, or what he meant by it.

129       'It's a beautiful day, Mr. Barkis!' I said, as an act of
130  politeness.

131       'It ain't bad,' said Mr. Barkis, who generally qualified his
132  speech, and rarely committed himself.

133       'Peggotty is quite comfortable now, Mr. Barkis,' I remarked, for
134  his satisfaction.

135       'Is she, though?' said Mr. Barkis.

136       After reflecting about it, with a sagacious air, Mr. Barkis eyed
137  her, and said:

138       'ARE you pretty comfortable?'

139       Peggotty laughed, and answered in the affirmative.

140       'But really and truly, you know. Are you?' growled Mr. Barkis,
141  sliding nearer to her on the seat, and nudging her with his elbow.
142  'Are you? Really and truly pretty comfortable? Are you? Eh?'

143       At each of these inquiries Mr. Barkis shuffled nearer to her, and
144  gave her another nudge; so that at last we were all crowded
145  together in the left-hand corner of the cart, and I was so squeezed
146  that I could hardly bear it.

147       Peggotty calling his attention to my sufferings, Mr. Barkis gave me
148  a little more room at once, and got away by degrees. But I could
149  not help observing that he seemed to think he had hit upon a
150  wonderful expedient for expressing himself in a neat, agreeable,
151  and pointed manner, without the inconvenience of inventing
152  conversation. He manifestly chuckled over it for some time. By
153  and by he turned to Peggotty again, and repeating, 'Are you pretty
154  comfortable though?' bore down upon us as before, until the breath
155  was nearly edged out of my body. By and by he made another descent
156  upon us with the same inquiry, and the same result. At length, I
157  got up whenever I saw him coming, and standing on the foot-board,
158  pretended to look at the prospect; after which I did very well.

159       He was so polite as to stop at a public-house, expressly on our
160  account, and entertain us with broiled mutton and beer. Even when
161  Peggotty was in the act of drinking, he was seized with one of
162  those approaches, and almost choked her. But as we drew nearer to
163  the end of our journey, he had more to do and less time for
164  gallantry; and when we got on Yarmouth pavement, we were all too
165  much shaken and jolted, I apprehend, to have any leisure for
166  anything else.

167       Mr. Peggotty and Ham waited for us at the old place. They received
168  me and Peggotty in an affectionate manner, and shook hands with Mr.
169  Barkis, who, with his hat on the very back of his head, and a
170  shame-faced leer upon his countenance, and pervading his very legs,
171  presented but a vacant appearance, I thought. They each took one
172  of Peggotty's trunks, and we were going away, when Mr. Barkis
173  solemnly made a sign to me with his forefinger to come under an
174  archway.

175       'I say,' growled Mr. Barkis, 'it was all right.'

176       I looked up into his face, and answered, with an attempt to be very
177  profound: 'Oh!'

178       'It didn't come to a end there,' said Mr. Barkis, nodding
179  confidentially. 'It was all right.'

180       Again I answered, 'Oh!'

181       'You know who was willin',' said my friend. 'It was Barkis, and
182  Barkis only.'

183       I nodded assent.

184       'It's all right,' said Mr. Barkis, shaking hands; 'I'm a friend of
185  your'n. You made it all right, first. It's all right.'

186       In his attempts to be particularly lucid, Mr. Barkis was so
187  extremely mysterious, that I might have stood looking in his face
188  for an hour, and most assuredly should have got as much information
189  out of it as out of the face of a clock that had stopped, but for
190  Peggotty's calling me away. As we were going along, she asked me
191  what he had said; and I told her he had said it was all right.

192       'Like his impudence,' said Peggotty, 'but I don't mind that! Davy
193  dear, what should you think if I was to think of being married?'

194       'Why - I suppose you would like me as much then, Peggotty, as you
195  do now?' I returned, after a little consideration.

196       Greatly to the astonishment of the passengers in the street, as
197  well as of her relations going on before, the good soul was obliged
198  to stop and embrace me on the spot, with many protestations of her
199  unalterable love.

200       'Tell me what should you say, darling?' she asked again, when this
201  was over, and we were walking on.

202       'If you were thinking of being married - to Mr. Barkis, Peggotty?'

203       'Yes,' said Peggotty.

204       'I should think it would be a very good thing. For then you know,
205  Peggotty, you would always have the horse and cart to bring you
206  over to see me, and could come for nothing, and be sure of coming.'

207       'The sense of the dear!' cried Peggotty. 'What I have been
208  thinking of, this month back! Yes, my precious; and I think I
209  should be more independent altogether, you see; let alone my
210  working with a better heart in my own house, than I could in
211  anybody else's now. I don't know what I might be fit for, now, as
212  a servant to a stranger. And I shall be always near my pretty's
213  resting-place,' said Peggotty, musing, 'and be able to see it when
214  I like; and when I lie down to rest, I may be laid not far off from
215  my darling girl!'

216       We neither of us said anything for a little while.

217       'But I wouldn't so much as give it another thought,' said Peggotty,
218  cheerily 'if my Davy was anyways against it - not if I had been
219  asked in church thirty times three times over, and was wearing out
220  the ring in my pocket.'

221       'Look at me, Peggotty,' I replied; 'and see if I am not really
222  glad, and don't truly wish it!' As indeed I did, with all my
223  heart.

224       'Well, my life,' said Peggotty, giving me a squeeze, 'I have
225  thought of it night and day, every way I can, and I hope the right
226  way; but I'll think of it again, and speak to my brother about it,
227  and in the meantime we'll keep it to ourselves, Davy, you and me.
228  Barkis is a good plain creature,' said Peggotty, 'and if I tried to
229  do my duty by him, I think it would be my fault if I wasn't - if I
230  wasn't pretty comfortable,' said Peggotty, laughing heartily.
231  This quotation from Mr. Barkis was so appropriate, and tickled us
232  both so much, that we laughed again and again, and were quite in a
233  pleasant humour when we came within view of Mr. Peggotty's cottage.

234       It looked just the same, except that it may, perhaps, have shrunk
235  a little in my eyes; and Mrs. Gummidge was waiting at the door as
236  if she had stood there ever since. All within was the same, down
237  to the seaweed in the blue mug in my bedroom. I went into the
238  out-house to look about me; and the very same lobsters, crabs, and
239  crawfish possessed by the same desire to pinch the world in
240  general, appeared to be in the same state of conglomeration in the

241       same old corner.

242       But there was no little Em'ly to be seen, so I asked Mr. Peggotty
243  where she was.

244       'She's at school, sir,' said Mr. Peggotty, wiping the heat
245  consequent on the porterage of Peggotty's box from his forehead;
246  'she'll be home,' looking at the Dutch clock, 'in from twenty
247  minutes to half-an-hour's time. We all on us feel the loss of her,
248  bless ye!'

249       Mrs. Gummidge moaned.

250       'Cheer up, Mawther!' cried Mr. Peggotty.

251       'I feel it more than anybody else,' said Mrs. Gummidge; 'I'm a lone
252  lorn creetur', and she used to be a'most the only thing that didn't
253  go contrary with me.'

254       Mrs. Gummidge, whimpering and shaking her head, applied herself to
255  blowing the fire. Mr. Peggotty, looking round upon us while she
256  was so engaged, said in a low voice, which he shaded with his hand:
257  'The old 'un!' From this I rightly conjectured that no improvement
258  had taken place since my last visit in the state of Mrs. Gummidge's
259  spirits.

260       Now, the whole place was, or it should have been, quite as
261  delightful a place as ever; and yet it did not impress me in the
262  same way. I felt rather disappointed with it. Perhaps it was
263  because little Em'ly was not at home. I knew the way by which she
264  would come, and presently found myself strolling along the path to
265  meet her.

266       A figure appeared in the distance before long, and I soon knew it
267  to be Em'ly, who was a little creature still in stature, though she
268  was grown. But when she drew nearer, and I saw her blue eyes
269  looking bluer, and her dimpled face looking brighter, and her whole
270  self prettier and gayer, a curious feeling came over me that made
271  me pretend not to know her, and pass by as if I were looking at
272  something a long way off. I have done such a thing since in later
273  life, or I am mistaken.

274       Little Em'ly didn't care a bit. She saw me well enough; but
275  instead of turning round and calling after me, ran away laughing.
276  This obliged me to run after her, and she ran so fast that we were
277  very near the cottage before I caught her.

278       'Oh, it's you, is it?' said little Em'ly.

279       'Why, you knew who it was, Em'ly,' said I.

280       'And didn't YOU know who it was?' said Em'ly. I was going to kiss
281  her, but she covered her cherry lips with her hands, and said she
282  wasn't a baby now, and ran away, laughing more than ever, into the
283  house.

284       She seemed to delight in teasing me, which was a change in her I
285  wondered at very much. The tea table was ready, and our little
286  locker was put out in its old place, but instead of coming to sit
287  by me, she went and bestowed her company upon that grumbling Mrs.
288  Gummidge: and on Mr. Peggotty's inquiring why, rumpled her hair all
289  over her face to hide it, and could do nothing but laugh.

290       'A little puss, it is!' said Mr. Peggotty, patting her with his
291  great hand.

292       'So sh' is! so sh' is!' cried Ham. 'Mas'r Davy bor', so sh' is!'
293  and he sat and chuckled at her for some time, in a state of mingled
294  admiration and delight, that made his face a burning red.

295       Little Em'ly was spoiled by them all, in fact; and by no one more
296  than Mr. Peggotty himself, whom she could have coaxed into
297  anything, by only going and laying her cheek against his rough
298  whisker. That was my opinion, at least, when I saw her do it; and
299  I held Mr. Peggotty to be thoroughly in the right. But she was so
300  affectionate and sweet-natured, and had such a pleasant manner of
301  being both sly and shy at once, that she captivated me more than
302  ever.

303       She was tender-hearted, too; for when, as we sat round the fire
304  after tea, an allusion was made by Mr. Peggotty over his pipe to
305  the loss I had sustained, the tears stood in her eyes, and she
306  looked at me so kindly across the table, that I felt quite thankful
307  to her.

308       'Ah!' said Mr. Peggotty, taking up her curls, and running them over
309  his hand like water, 'here's another orphan, you see, sir. And
310  here,' said Mr. Peggotty, giving Ham a backhanded knock in the
311  chest, 'is another of 'em, though he don't look much like it.'

312       'If I had you for my guardian, Mr. Peggotty,' said I, shaking my
313  head, 'I don't think I should FEEL much like it.'

314       'Well said, Mas'r Davy bor'!' cried Ham, in an ecstasy. 'Hoorah!
315  Well said! Nor more you wouldn't! Hor! Hor!' - Here he returned
316  Mr. Peggotty's back-hander, and little Em'ly got up and kissed Mr.
317  Peggotty. 'And how's your friend, sir?' said Mr. Peggotty to me.

318       'Steerforth?' said I.

319       'That's the name!' cried Mr. Peggotty, turning to Ham. 'I knowed
320  it was something in our way.'

321       'You said it was Rudderford,' observed Ham, laughing.

322       'Well!' retorted Mr. Peggotty. 'And ye steer with a rudder, don't
323  ye? It ain't fur off. How is he, sir?'

324       'He was very well indeed when I came away, Mr. Peggotty.'

325       'There's a friend!' said Mr. Peggotty, stretching out his pipe.
326  'There's a friend, if you talk of friends! Why, Lord love my heart
327  alive, if it ain't a treat to look at him!'

328       'He is very handsome, is he not?' said I, my heart warming with
329  this praise.

330       'Handsome!' cried Mr. Peggotty. 'He stands up to you like - like
331  a - why I don't know what he don't stand up to you like. He's so
332  bold!'

333       'Yes! That's just his character,' said I. 'He's as brave as a
334  lion, and you can't think how frank he is, Mr. Peggotty.'

335       'And I do suppose, now,' said Mr. Peggotty, looking at me through
336  the smoke of his pipe, 'that in the way of book-larning he'd take
337  the wind out of a'most anything.'

338       'Yes,' said I, delighted; 'he knows everything. He is
339  astonishingly clever.'

340       'There's a friend!' murmured Mr. Peggotty, with a grave toss of his
341  head.

342       'Nothing seems to cost him any trouble,' said I. 'He knows a task
343  if he only looks at it. He is the best cricketer you ever saw. He
344  will give you almost as many men as you like at draughts, and beat
345  you easily.'

346       Mr. Peggotty gave his head another toss, as much as to say: 'Of
347  course he will.'

348       'He is such a speaker,' I pursued, 'that he can win anybody over;
349  and I don't know what you'd say if you were to hear him sing, Mr.
350  Peggotty.'

351       Mr. Peggotty gave his head another toss, as much as to say: 'I have
352  no doubt of it.'

353       'Then, he's such a generous, fine, noble fellow,' said I, quite
354  carried away by my favourite theme, 'that it's hardly possible to
355  give him as much praise as he deserves. I am sure I can never feel
356  thankful enough for the generosity with which he has protected me,
357  so much younger and lower in the school than himself.'

358       I was running on, very fast indeed, when my eyes rested on little
359  Em'ly's face, which was bent forward over the table, listening with
360  the deepest attention, her breath held, her blue eyes sparkling
361  like jewels, and the colour mantling in her cheeks. She looked so
362  extraordinarily earnest and pretty, that I stopped in a sort of
363  wonder; and they all observed her at the same time, for as I
364  stopped, they laughed and looked at her.

365       'Em'ly is like me,' said Peggotty, 'and would like to see him.'

366       Em'ly was confused by our all observing her, and hung down her
367  head, and her face was covered with blushes. Glancing up presently
368  through her stray curls, and seeing that we were all looking at her
369  still (I am sure I, for one, could have looked at her for hours),
370  she ran away, and kept away till it was nearly bedtime.

371       I lay down in the old little bed in the stern of the boat, and the
372  wind came moaning on across the flat as it had done before. But I
373  could not help fancying, now, that it moaned of those who were
374  gone; and instead of thinking that the sea might rise in the night
375  and float the boat away, I thought of the sea that had risen, since
376  I last heard those sounds, and drowned my happy home. I recollect,
377  as the wind and water began to sound fainter in my ears, putting a
378  short clause into my prayers, petitioning that I might grow up to
379  marry little Em'ly, and so dropping lovingly asleep.

380       The days passed pretty much as they had passed before, except - it
381  was a great exception- that little Em'ly and I seldom wandered on
382  the beach now. She had tasks to learn, and needle-work to do; and
383  was absent during a great part of each day. But I felt that we
384  should not have had those old wanderings, even if it had been
385  otherwise. Wild and full of childish whims as Em'ly was, she was
386  more of a little woman than I had supposed. She seemed to have got
387  a great distance away from me, in little more than a year. She
388  liked me, but she laughed at me, and tormented me; and when I went
389  to meet her, stole home another way, and was laughing at the door
390  when I came back, disappointed. The best times were when she sat
391  quietly at work in the doorway, and I sat on the wooden step at her
392  feet, reading to her. It seems to me, at this hour, that I have
393  never seen such sunlight as on those bright April afternoons; that
394  I have never seen such a sunny little figure as I used to see,
395  sitting in the doorway of the old boat; that I have never beheld
396  such sky, such water, such glorified ships sailing away into golden
397  air.

398       On the very first evening after our arrival, Mr. Barkis appeared in
399  an exceedingly vacant and awkward condition, and with a bundle of
400  oranges tied up in a handkerchief. As he made no allusion of any
401  kind to this property, he was supposed to have left it behind him
402  by accident when he went away; until Ham, running after him to
403  restore it, came back with the information that it was intended for
404  Peggotty. After that occasion he appeared every evening at exactly
405  the same hour, and always with a little bundle, to which he never
406  alluded, and which he regularly put behind the door and left there.
407  These offerings of affection were of a most various and eccentric
408  description. Among them I remember a double set of pigs' trotters,
409  a huge pin-cushion, half a bushel or so of apples, a pair of jet
410  earrings, some Spanish onions, a box of dominoes, a canary bird and
411  cage, and a leg of pickled pork.

412       Mr. Barkis's wooing, as I remember it, was altogether of a peculiar
413  kind. He very seldom said anything; but would sit by the fire in
414  much the same attitude as he sat in his cart, and stare heavily at
415  Peggotty, who was opposite. One night, being, as I suppose,
416  inspired by love, he made a dart at the bit of wax-candle she kept
417  for her thread, and put it in his waistcoat-pocket and carried it
418  off. After that, his great delight was to produce it when it was
419  wanted, sticking to the lining of his pocket, in a partially melted
420  state, and pocket it again when it was done with. He seemed to
421  enjoy himself very much, and not to feel at all called upon to
422  talk. Even when he took Peggotty out for a walk on the flats, he
423  had no uneasiness on that head, I believe; contenting himself with
424  now and then asking her if she was pretty comfortable; and I
425  remember that sometimes, after he was gone, Peggotty would throw
426  her apron over her face, and laugh for half-an-hour. Indeed, we
427  were all more or less amused, except that miserable Mrs. Gummidge,
428  whose courtship would appear to have been of an exactly parallel
429  nature, she was so continually reminded by these transactions of
430  the old one.

431       At length, when the term of my visit was nearly expired, it was
432  given out that Peggotty and Mr. Barkis were going to make a day's
433  holiday together, and that little Em'ly and I were to accompany
434  them. I had but a broken sleep the night before, in anticipation
435  of the pleasure of a whole day with Em'ly. We were all astir
436  betimes in the morning; and while we were yet at breakfast, Mr.
437  Barkis appeared in the distance, driving a chaise-cart towards the
438  object of his affections.

439       Peggotty was dressed as usual, in her neat and quiet mourning; but
440  Mr. Barkis bloomed in a new blue coat, of which the tailor had
441  given him such good measure, that the cuffs would have rendered
442  gloves unnecessary in the coldest weather, while the collar was so
443  high that it pushed his hair up on end on the top of his head. His
444  bright buttons, too, were of the largest size. Rendered complete
445  by drab pantaloons and a buff waistcoat, I thought Mr. Barkis a
446  phenomenon of respectability.

447       When we were all in a bustle outside the door, I found that Mr.
448  Peggotty was prepared with an old shoe, which was to be thrown
449  after us for luck, and which he offered to Mrs. Gummidge for that
450  purpose.

451       'No. It had better be done by somebody else, Dan'l,' said Mrs.
452  Gummidge. 'I'm a lone lorn creetur' myself, and everythink that
453  reminds me of creetur's that ain't lone and lorn, goes contrary
454  with me.'

455       'Come, old gal!' cried Mr. Peggotty. 'Take and heave it.'

456       'No, Dan'l,' returned Mrs. Gummidge, whimpering and shaking her
457  head. 'If I felt less, I could do more. You don't feel like me,
458  Dan'l; thinks don't go contrary with you, nor you with them; you
459  had better do it yourself.'

460       But here Peggotty, who had been going about from one to another in
461  a hurried way, kissing everybody, called out from the cart, in
462  which we all were by this time (Em'ly and I on two little chairs,
463  side by side), that Mrs. Gummidge must do it. So Mrs. Gummidge did
464  it; and, I am sorry to relate, cast a damp upon the festive
465  character of our departure, by immediately bursting into tears, and
466  sinking subdued into the arms of Ham, with the declaration that she
467  knowed she was a burden, and had better be carried to the House at
468  once. Which I really thought was a sensible idea, that Ham might
469  have acted on.

470       Away we went, however, on our holiday excursion; and the first
471  thing we did was to stop at a church, where Mr. Barkis tied the
472  horse to some rails, and went in with Peggotty, leaving little
473  Em'ly and me alone in the chaise. I took that occasion to put my
474  arm round Em'ly's waist, and propose that as I was going away so
475  very soon now, we should determine to be very affectionate to one
476  another, and very happy, all day. Little Em'ly consenting, and
477  allowing me to kiss her, I became desperate; informing her, I
478  recollect, that I never could love another, and that I was prepared
479  to shed the blood of anybody who should aspire to her affections.

480       How merry little Em'ly made herself about it! With what a demure
481  assumption of being immensely older and wiser than I, the fairy
482  little woman said I was 'a silly boy'; and then laughed so
483  charmingly that I forgot the pain of being called by that
484  disparaging name, in the pleasure of looking at her.

485       Mr. Barkis and Peggotty were a good while in the church, but came
486  out at last, and then we drove away into the country. As we were
487  going along, Mr. Barkis turned to me, and said, with a wink, - by
488  the by, I should hardly have thought, before, that he could wink:

489       'What name was it as I wrote up in the cart?'

490       'Clara Peggotty,' I answered.

491       'What name would it be as I should write up now, if there was a
492  tilt here?'

493       'Clara Peggotty, again?' I suggested.

494       'Clara Peggotty BARKIS!' he returned, and burst into a roar of
495  laughter that shook the chaise.

496       In a word, they were married, and had gone into the church for no
497  other purpose. Peggotty was resolved that it should be quietly
498  done; and the clerk had given her away, and there had been no
499  witnesses of the ceremony. She was a little confused when Mr.
500  Barkis made this abrupt announcement of their union, and could not
501  hug me enough in token of her unimpaired affection; but she soon
502  became herself again, and said she was very glad it was over.

503       We drove to a little inn in a by-road, where we were expected, and
504  where we had a very comfortable dinner, and passed the day with
505  great satisfaction. If Peggotty had been married every day for the
506  last ten years, she could hardly have been more at her ease about
507  it; it made no sort of difference in her: she was just the same as
508  ever, and went out for a stroll with little Em'ly and me before
509  tea, while Mr. Barkis philosophically smoked his pipe, and enjoyed
510  himself, I suppose, with the contemplation of his happiness. If
511  so, it sharpened his appetite; for I distinctly call to mind that,
512  although he had eaten a good deal of pork and greens at dinner, and
513  had finished off with a fowl or two, he was obliged to have cold
514  boiled bacon for tea, and disposed of a large quantity without any
515  emotion.

516       I have often thought, since, what an odd, innocent, out-of-the-way
517  kind of wedding it must have been! We got into the chaise again
518  soon after dark, and drove cosily back, looking up at the stars,
519  and talking about them. I was their chief exponent, and opened Mr.
520  Barkis's mind to an amazing extent. I told him all I knew, but he
521  would have believed anything I might have taken it into my head to
522  impart to him; for he had a profound veneration for my abilities,
523  and informed his wife in my hearing, on that very occasion, that I
524  was 'a young Roeshus' - by which I think he meant prodigy.

525       When we had exhausted the subject of the stars, or rather when I
526  had exhausted the mental faculties of Mr. Barkis, little Em'ly and
527  I made a cloak of an old wrapper, and sat under it for the rest of
528  the journey. Ah, how I loved her! What happiness (I thought) if
529  we were married, and were going away anywhere to live among the
530  trees and in the fields, never growing older, never growing wiser,
531  children ever, rambling hand in hand through sunshine and among
532  flowery meadows, laying down our heads on moss at night, in a sweet
533  sleep of purity and peace, and buried by the birds when we were
534  dead! Some such picture, with no real world in it, bright with the
535  light of our innocence, and vague as the stars afar off, was in my
536  mind all the way. I am glad to think there were two such guileless
537  hearts at Peggotty's marriage as little Em'ly's and mine. I am
538  glad to think the Loves and Graces took such airy forms in its
539  homely procession.

540       Well, we came to the old boat again in good time at night; and
541  there Mr. and Mrs. Barkis bade us good-bye, and drove away snugly
542  to their own home. I felt then, for the first time, that I had
543  lost Peggotty. I should have gone to bed with a sore heart indeed
544  under any other roof but that which sheltered little Em'ly's head.

545       Mr. Peggotty and Ham knew what was in my thoughts as well as I did,
546  and were ready with some supper and their hospitable faces to drive
547  it away. Little Em'ly came and sat beside me on the locker for the
548  only time in all that visit; and it was altogether a wonderful
549  close to a wonderful day.

550       It was a night tide; and soon after we went to bed, Mr. Peggotty
551  and Ham went out to fish. I felt very brave at being left alone in
552  the solitary house, the protector of Em'ly and Mrs. Gummidge, and
553  only wished that a lion or a serpent, or any ill-disposed monster,
554  would make an attack upon us, that I might destroy him, and cover
555  myself with glory. But as nothing of the sort happened to be
556  walking about on Yarmouth flats that night, I provided the best
557  substitute I could by dreaming of dragons until morning.

558       With morning came Peggotty; who called to me, as usual, under my
559  window as if Mr. Barkis the carrier had been from first to last a
560  dream too. After breakfast she took me to her own home, and a
561  beautiful little home it was. Of all the moveables in it, I must
562  have been impressed by a certain old bureau of some dark wood in
563  the parlour (the tile-floored kitchen was the general
564  sitting-room), with a retreating top which opened, let down, and
565  became a desk, within which was a large quarto edition of Foxe's
566  Book of Martyrs. This precious volume, of which I do not recollect
567  one word, I immediately discovered and immediately applied myself
568  to; and I never visited the house afterwards, but I kneeled on a
569  chair, opened the casket where this gem was enshrined, spread my
570  arms over the desk, and fell to devouring the book afresh. I was
571  chiefly edified, I am afraid, by the pictures, which were numerous,
572  and represented all kinds of dismal horrors; but the Martyrs and
573  Peggotty's house have been inseparable in my mind ever since, and
574  are now.

575       I took leave of Mr. Peggotty, and Ham, and Mrs. Gummidge, and
576  little Em'ly, that day; and passed the night at Peggotty's, in a
577  little room in the roof (with the Crocodile Book on a shelf by the
578  bed's head) which was to be always mine, Peggotty said, and should
579  always be kept for me in exactly the same state.

580       'Young or old, Davy dear, as long as I am alive and have this house
581  over my head,' said Peggotty, 'you shall find it as if I expected
582  you here directly minute. I shall keep it every day, as I used to
583  keep your old little room, my darling; and if you was to go to
584  China, you might think of it as being kept just the same, all the
585  time you were away.'

586       I felt the truth and constancy of my dear old nurse, with all my
587  heart, and thanked her as well as I could. That was not very well,
588  for she spoke to me thus, with her arms round my neck, in the
589  morning, and I was going home in the morning, and I went home in
590  the morning, with herself and Mr. Barkis in the cart. They left me
591  at the gate, not easily or lightly; and it was a strange sight to
592  me to see the cart go on, taking Peggotty away, and leaving me
593  under the old elm-trees looking at the house, in which there was no
594  face to look on mine with love or liking any more.

595       And now I fell into a state of neglect, which I cannot look back
596  upon without compassion. I fell at once into a solitary condition,
597  - apart from all friendly notice, apart from the society of all
598  other boys of my own age, apart from all companionship but my own
599  spiritless thoughts, - which seems to cast its gloom upon this
600  paper as I write.

601       What would I have given, to have been sent to the hardest school
602  that ever was kept! - to have been taught something, anyhow,
603  anywhere! No such hope dawned upon me. They disliked me; and they
604  sullenly, sternly, steadily, overlooked me. I think Mr.
605  Murdstone's means were straitened at about this time; but it is
606  little to the purpose. He could not bear me; and in putting me
607  from him he tried, as I believe, to put away the notion that I had
608  any claim upon him - and succeeded.

609       I was not actively ill-used. I was not beaten, or starved; but the
610  wrong that was done to me had no intervals of relenting, and was
611  done in a systematic, passionless manner. Day after day, week
612  after week, month after month, I was coldly neglected. I wonder
613  sometimes, when I think of it, what they would have done if I had
614  been taken with an illness; whether I should have lain down in my
615  lonely room, and languished through it in my usual solitary way, or
616  whether anybody would have helped me out.

617       When Mr. and Miss Murdstone were at home, I took my meals with
618  them; in their absence, I ate and drank by myself. At all times I
619  lounged about the house and neighbourhood quite disregarded, except
620  that they were jealous of my making any friends: thinking, perhaps,
621  that if I did, I might complain to someone. For this reason,
622  though Mr. Chillip often asked me to go and see him (he was a
623  widower, having, some years before that, lost a little small
624  light-haired wife, whom I can just remember connecting in my own
625  thoughts with a pale tortoise-shell cat), it was but seldom that I
626  enjoyed the happiness of passing an afternoon in his closet of a
627  surgery; reading some book that was new to me, with the smell of
628  the whole Pharmacopoeia coming up my nose, or pounding something in
629  a mortar under his mild directions.

630       For the same reason, added no doubt to the old dislike of her, I
631  was seldom allowed to visit Peggotty. Faithful to her promise, she
632  either came to see me, or met me somewhere near, once every week,
633  and never empty-handed; but many and bitter were the
634  disappointments I had, in being refused permission to pay a visit
635  to her at her house. Some few times, however, at long intervals,
636  I was allowed to go there; and then I found out that Mr. Barkis was
637  something of a miser, or as Peggotty dutifully expressed it, was 'a
638  little near', and kept a heap of money in a box under his bed,
639  which he pretended was only full of coats and trousers. In this
640  coffer, his riches hid themselves with such a tenacious modesty,
641  that the smallest instalments could only be tempted out by
642  artifice; so that Peggotty had to prepare a long and elaborate
643  scheme, a very Gunpowder Plot, for every Saturday's expenses.

644       All this time I was so conscious of the waste of any promise I had
645  given, and of my being utterly neglected, that I should have been
646  perfectly miserable, I have no doubt, but for the old books. They
647  were my only comfort; and I was as true to them as they were to me,
648  and read them over and over I don't know how many times more.

649       I now approach a period of my life, which I can never lose the
650  remembrance of, while I remember anything: and the recollection of
651  which has often, without my invocation, come before me like a
652  ghost, and haunted happier times.

653       I had been out, one day, loitering somewhere, in the listless,
654  meditative manner that my way of life engendered, when, turning the
655  corner of a lane near our house, I came upon Mr. Murdstone walking
656  with a gentleman. I was confused, and was going by them, when the
657  gentleman cried:

658       'What! Brooks!'

659       'No, sir, David Copperfield,' I said.

660       'Don't tell me. You are Brooks,' said the gentleman. 'You are
661  Brooks of Sheffield. That's your name.'

662       At these words, I observed the gentleman more attentively. His
663  laugh coming to my remembrance too, I knew him to be Mr. Quinion,
664  whom I had gone over to Lowestoft with Mr. Murdstone to see, before
665  - it is no matter - I need not recall when.

666       'And how do you get on, and where are you being educated, Brooks?'
667  said Mr. Quinion.

668       He had put his hand upon my shoulder, and turned me about, to walk
669  with them. I did not know what to reply, and glanced dubiously at
670  Mr. Murdstone.

671       'He is at home at present,' said the latter. 'He is not being
672  educated anywhere. I don't know what to do with him. He is a
673  difficult subject.'

674       That old, double look was on me for a moment; and then his eyes
675  darkened with a frown, as it turned, in its aversion, elsewhere.

676       'Humph!' said Mr. Quinion, looking at us both, I thought. 'Fine
677  weather!'

678       Silence ensued, and I was considering how I could best disengage my
679  shoulder from his hand, and go away, when he said:

680       'I suppose you are a pretty sharp fellow still? Eh, Brooks?'

681       'Aye! He is sharp enough,' said Mr. Murdstone, impatiently. 'You
682  had better let him go. He will not thank you for troubling him.'

683       On this hint, Mr. Quinion released me, and I made the best of my
684  way home. Looking back as I turned into the front garden, I saw
685  Mr. Murdstone leaning against the wicket of the churchyard, and Mr.
686  Quinion talking to him. They were both looking after me, and I
687  felt that they were speaking of me.

688       Mr. Quinion lay at our house that night. After breakfast, the next
689  morning, I had put my chair away, and was going out of the room,
690  when Mr. Murdstone called me back. He then gravely repaired to
691  another table, where his sister sat herself at her desk. Mr.
692  Quinion, with his hands in his pockets, stood looking out of
693  window; and I stood looking at them all.

694       'David,' said Mr. Murdstone, 'to the young this is a world for
695  action; not for moping and droning in.'

696       - 'As you do,' added his sister.

697       'Jane Murdstone, leave it to me, if you please. I say, David, to
698  the young this is a world for action, and not for moping and
699  droning in. It is especially so for a young boy of your
700  disposition, which requires a great deal of correcting; and to
701  which no greater service can be done than to force it to conform to
702  the ways of the working world, and to bend it and break it.'

703       'For stubbornness won't do here,' said his sister 'What it wants
704  is, to be crushed. And crushed it must be. Shall be, too!'

705       He gave her a look, half in remonstrance, half in approval, and
706  went on:

707       'I suppose you know, David, that I am not rich. At any rate, you
708  know it now. You have received some considerable education
709  already. Education is costly; and even if it were not, and I could
710  afford it, I am of opinion that it would not be at all advantageous
711  to you to be kept at school. What is before you, is a fight with
712  the world; and the sooner you begin it, the better.'

713       I think it occurred to me that I had already begun it, in my poor
714  way: but it occurs to me now, whether or no.

715       'You have heard the "counting-house" mentioned sometimes,' said Mr.
716  Murdstone.

717       'The counting-house, sir?' I repeated.
718  'Of Murdstone and Grinby, in the wine trade,' he replied.

719       I suppose I looked uncertain, for he went on hastily:

720       'You have heard the "counting-house" mentioned, or the business, or
721  the cellars, or the wharf, or something about it.'

722       'I think I have heard the business mentioned, sir,' I said,
723  remembering what I vaguely knew of his and his sister's resources.
724  'But I don't know when.'

725       'It does not matter when,' he returned. 'Mr. Quinion manages that
726  business.'

727       I glanced at the latter deferentially as he stood looking out of
728  window.

729       'Mr. Quinion suggests that it gives employment to some other boys,
730  and that he sees no reason why it shouldn't, on the same terms,
731  give employment to you.'

732       'He having,' Mr. Quinion observed in a low voice, and half turning
733  round, 'no other prospect, Murdstone.'

734       Mr. Murdstone, with an impatient, even an angry gesture, resumed,
735  without noticing what he had said:

736       'Those terms are, that you will earn enough for yourself to provide
737  for your eating and drinking, and pocket-money. Your lodging
738  (which I have arranged for) will be paid by me. So will your
739  washing -'

740       '- Which will be kept down to my estimate,' said his sister.

741       'Your clothes will be looked after for you, too,' said Mr.
742  Murdstone; 'as you will not be able, yet awhile, to get them for
743  yourself. So you are now going to London, David, with Mr. Quinion,
744  to begin the world on your own account.'

745       'In short, you are provided for,' observed his sister; 'and will
746  please to do your duty.'

747       Though I quite understood that the purpose of this announcement was
748  to get rid of me, I have no distinct remembrance whether it pleased
749  or frightened me. My impression is, that I was in a state of
750  confusion about it, and, oscillating between the two points,
751  touched neither. Nor had I much time for the clearing of my
752  thoughts, as Mr. Quinion was to go upon the morrow.

753       Behold me, on the morrow, in a much-worn little white hat, with a
754  black crape round it for my mother, a black jacket, and a pair of
755  hard, stiff corduroy trousers - which Miss Murdstone considered the
756  best armour for the legs in that fight with the world which was now
757  to come off. behold me so attired, and with my little worldly all
758  before me in a small trunk, sitting, a lone lorn child (as Mrs.
759  Gummidge might have said), in the post-chaise that was carrying Mr.
760  Quinion to the London coach at Yarmouth! See, how our house and
761  church are lessening in the distance; how the grave beneath the
762  tree is blotted out by intervening objects; how the spire points
763  upwards from my old playground no more, and the sky is empty!

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